


The Horny Kraken Prince

by theonsfavouritetoy



Series: Disneyfied [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Additional Tags to Be Added, Euron is his own warning, Fandom for Australia, Gift Fic, Little Mermaid AU, M/M, POV Euron Greyjoy, POV Jon Snow, POV Theon Greyjoy, Read at your own risk ;), Theon Greyjoy-centric, cracky-ish, let's see how far I'll take this, only with krakens, penis envy but not in a Freudian way, so they're half human half tentacly, tentacles featuring a LOT, this is very AU! and a fairytale at that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:21:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 33,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24519118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonsfavouritetoy/pseuds/theonsfavouritetoy
Summary: Theon, heir to the Underwater Kingdom, has no intention to go and marry some kraken girl like his father wants him to. Instead he loves watching humans, especially their curious mating rituals. It's just a hobby, really, until he sees one particular human.FINALLY COMPLETE :D
Relationships: Theon Greyjoy/Jon Snow
Series: Disneyfied [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114136
Comments: 312
Kudos: 150
Collections: Fandom For Australia





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [half_life](https://archiveofourown.org/users/half_life/gifts).



> My dears! 
> 
> This fic is a gift for dear @half_life, and my side of the auction Fandom for Australia.  
> I do hope you like it! 
> 
> You who know my stuff know what to expect – loads of crack, some fluff, and a lot of very filthy talking (and a flurry of seafood jokes I fear) 
> 
> This is the second Disneyfied fic I'm doing, and I haven't yet decided if anyone will be singing. Ye be warned ;)
> 
> @kitkatkaylie I think it was you who mentioned the Little Mermaid in the comments on True Love's Kiss? It's happening! :D
> 
> On request of my lovely giftee I'll be posting chapters as I write them. Story is all planned out!

Impatiently, Theon lifts a tentacle to shove a strand of wet hair out of his face. He needs a better view. This is the one thing he can’t stand at all up here – his hair is a disaster. Down below it clouds attractively around his head, softly swaying in the stream. Here he looks like a drowned rat. But then he forgets about the hair when the two sailors he’s watching finally get down to business. Theon grips the edge of the porthole with both hands, pressing his nose against the thick glass. It’s blurry and vague, but considering the circumstances it has to be enough. For some reason humans seldomly do it anywhere they can be seen clearly, always inside the ships’ bellies or in pitch-black nights on some beach. 

His position isn’t exactly comfortable, clinging to the ship’s hull with six tentacles, but Theon hasn’t had the opportunity to indulge in his favourite hobby for over a fortnight. He watches curiously as one of the two men drops to his arms and knees, the other one settling behind him. He takes his cock out of his breeches, stroking it a couple of times before sticking it in the one on all fours. The man groans, and Theon shivers pleasantly. He’s not so sure this part is actually much fun; the men taking it always make faces and scream like a plaice on a hook, but the ones doing the cock thing always look to be enjoying it a great deal. 

The man with the active cock is moving fast, grunting and huffing, and all too soon he tenses, pulling back and shooting his strangely white ink all over the kneeling man’s back, yelping as if someone's harpooned him. Theon sighs enviously, watching the first man get to his knees, legs shaking. A cock, that’s what one should have. It seems to be the greatest evolutionary thing humans have developed. In every other regard they seem a bit behind. They can’t breathe underwater, for one. The legs aren’t too bad though, when they’re nicely shaped. Theon already means to let go – slowly but surely his skin feels dry, nevermind the fashion in which his hair is drying – when he catches himself at the last moment, hurriedly returning to his post. 

The men are doing the mouth-on-mouth thing! That’s a rarity, something Theon normally only sees when watching humans on the beach. And then there’s a female human involved more often than not. Theon likes the female humans, their soft appearance, the way their voices sound, the heavy-looking tits. The females of his kind don’t have much to offer in that regard. That’d be the mermaids, all heaving bosoms and pretty faces. And nasty tempers. Theon shakes the thought off, trying to make out what exactly the men are doing with their mouths. It’s hard to see, but it seems to be fun. Finally they’re done, parting ways, and with a disappointed sigh Theon lets go, plunging back into the water where he sinks to the bottom immediately.

“I thought you’d never come back!” 

At the muffled, accusing tone Theon lifts a tentacle, looking down at a dramatically gasping Wex. 

“You sat on me _again_ ,” the little crab adds. “One of these days I’m just going to pinch you.” 

“Don’t you dare.” Theon narrows his eyes at Wex. “And anyway, can’t have been so long, the human with the cock didn’t really last long.”

“Was it at least a big one?” 

Wex quickly grabs one of Theon’s tentacles, hanging on to him as Theon makes his way over the ocean floor. 

“Average, I’d say. The kneeling one didn’t scream too much.”

“Did he take it in his mouth again?”

“No, not today.” Theon stops, moving the tentacle until Wex is dangling in front of his face. “You’re too young to be talking about things like that.”

“Doesn’t matter. Remember what mum said before she landed the job in that all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant? As long as we’re not talking of stomachs you’re good. And I know about stomachs as well, so.” Wex shrugs, wriggling both eyes. “Anyway, who else could you talk to?”

True. Theon sighs as he moves on. His attraction to humans is somewhat of a mystery to most of his kind. They don’t understand what Theon sees in them, or why he’s so keen on watching them. And Father – if Father knew he’d been to the surface again he’d slap him across the face with all eight arms and both hands. Theon makes a face. He doesn’t know himself why he’s so fascinated with the humans. Apart from the cocks. And the mouth-to-mouth. He’d tried that one, just once, with one of the girls hanging out at court, had pressed his lips against hers and waited. Nothing had happened, and the girl had been mighty confused. Maybe there’s some trick to it. 

“Oops,” Wex mutters into Theon’s musings, “we’re getting company.”

Theon looks in the direction Wex’ pincer is pointing, rolling his eyes when he sees the swirl of water coming closer, a dark object shooting through the water like a marlin. Of fucking course. Can’t she leave him alone for one fucking day? But since there’s no getting-away, he dutifully waits until she crashes down right in front of them, whirling up a cloud of sand. 

“Hey, blobfish-face,” Asha says as a way of greeting. 

“Hey, old moray,” he shoots back, sneering at her. “What gives me the pleasure of your company, dear sister?” 

“Father wants you to attend the ball tonight. There’s a special–”

“Not again,” Theon mutters.

“–a special guest coming tonight,” Asha continues, glaring at him. “The princess of the Marianas Trench is coming with her parents. It’d look bad if she didn’t have the fucking prince to accompany her to dinner.”

The fucking prince… Theon snorts. It’s not that he doesn’t like being a prince, but since both his older brothers managed to end their lives as fried squid rings and he’s the only one left, it isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Less freedom, more nagging from Father and Asha. Before that unfortunate event he’d been just some prince, privileged as princes tend to be, his faible for humans tolerated as some kind of spleen. And now Father throws a hissy fit when Theon even as much as looks to the surface. Asha says he’s worried, Theon suspects he’s just afraid to lose the last son to bully around. 

“I don’t like the trench folk,” he says as he swims next to her, trying to keep up with her speed. “They have that strange see-through skin, and the big eyes are creep-tacular.” 

“Yeah, not my type either. But then I’m not the one who’ll have to court her.” Asha grins, propelling herself ahead. “Last one at the castle loses!” she yells over her shoulder. 

Theon rolls his eyes. “Hold on tight,” he tells Wex before he speeds after his sister. 

Of course the ball is as mind-numbingly boring as Theon expected it to be. The princess Mariana – how very original – turns out to be a silly, giggling wench, and her eyes are big enough Theon can see his whole reflection in them. And while he usually likes looking at himself… creep factor maximised. At least she’s a good dancer, and Theon takes the first two dances with her under the miserly gaze of his father and the benevolent ones of the princess’ parents. Seems they’re already hearing wedding bells, Theon suspects, trying to keep his third tentacle out of the girl’s reach. Nothing he needs less now than accidentally fertilizing her and seal the deal. 

Finally the guests have retired, and Theon just wants to do the same when Father’s rusty voice calls him back. 

“The king and queen have agreed to a union between our kingdoms,” Father starts without preamble. “You and Princess Mariana shall be wed as soon as possible. The girl is… ready to be wed.”

“I noticed she was a bit randy,” Theon mutters, earning a cuff on the ear. “Sorry, Father, but I’m definitely not going to marry that stupid girl.”

“You will do as I say,” Father snaps. “Tomorrow I’ll announce it to court. That is my last word,” he adds when Theon opens his mouth. “Get out of my sight, boy!”

Theon jolts around before Father can see the angry look in his eyes, swimming out of the throne room and towards his chambers where he throws himself down onto his bed, angrily punching his sponge pillow. 

“Fucking – bloody – gaaah!” 

With a last angry cry he buries his face on his arms, biting down on his lip hard. It’s just not fair! He doesn’t want to marry the stupid princess, he wants to marry no one at all! Marrying is the dumbest thing one can do, it’s the end of all adventures. It’d be like being tied to the bottom of the sea, he could never go up to the surface again…

A soft neighing sound has Theon look up, and he gives a lopsided smile at the sight of his tiny pet. Smiler is dancing before him, neighing again when he’s sure he has Theon’s attention. 

“Hey, buddy,” Theon says, holding out his hand for Smiler to swim into. “What did you do today? Please tell me you didn’t get knocked up again.” 

Smiler puffs derisively before he curls his tail around Theon’s finger, tugging insistently. For a moment Theon just watches him struggle, smiling at the effort the little seahorse puts into it. 

“Do you by any chance want me to come with you?” he asks, chuckling when Smiler neighs accusingly. “Alright, alright, I’m coming. This place is shit anyway.” 

He follows the seahorse out of the castle and through the pitch black waters. They swim for almost an hour when Smiler starts to ascend higher and higher, until Theon can make out the light of the moon from the surface – and a huge, dark something lying in the water, a heavy chain leading from it into the depths of the ocean. 

“Smiler, you found another ship!” Theon says in delight. “Good horse!”

Smiler snorts appreciatively as Theon pets his head, then vanishes into the deeper water. Theon looks after him for a moment before he swims higher, his head breaking through the surface and into the cool night air. He shakes his head, cursing when his soaking hair hits him in the face. Stroking it back, Theon pushes closer to the ship. Despite it being late, there are still lights and voices coming from the deck, and curiously Theon starts to pull himself up the hull. Carefully, he peers over the gallery. The humans on this ship look to be having some kind of party. A few are making music with strange-looking instruments while the others are dancing. Theon snorts. It looks very ungainly, not the graceful floating and spinning that dancing is among his kind. 

The men all seem sufficiently inebriated, which means there’s a high chance some of them will soon vanish to mate, and Theon studies them each in turn, trying to figure out which one might be the first. Maybe the loud one with the potbelly, he’s making eyes at another man who twitches as if he’s got minnows under his clothes. Or maybe the – Theon’s eyes go wide as he spies a human he hasn’t noticed so far. He’s not dancing, simply leaning against the railing and watching the going-ons with a slight smile. Theon swallows. That has to be the prettiest human he's ever seen! Dark hair, tied back in his neck, beautiful dark eyes and his mouth… Theon’s third tentacle twitches as he studies that mouth more closely. Plush lips, perfectly formed… 

Theon watches, mesmerized, as the human puts a bottle to his lips, throat working as he drinks, he just wishes he could get closer – a yap very close to him startles Theon so bad he almost inks himself, a big, wet tongue drags over his face, and Theon only catches a glimpse of white fur before he lets go and lands in the water with a loud splash. What the fuck was _that_? 

“THEON!” 

He starts at the accusing shout, swirling around just in time to see Asha shooting towards him, a grim look on her face. 

“What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing there?” she hisses, meanly grabbing his favourite arm and pulling him away. 

Theon struggles, trying to get out of her grasp, but no chance, so he resigns, lets her drag him off. He doesn’t listen to her ranting and raving, his only thought the pretty human. He fervently hopes the ship will be still there tomorrow. He needs to see him again! 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! 
> 
> Hope you're doing well! It's starting to get hot here in Austria (too hot for my liking) so a visit to Under the Sea would be especially lovely. 
> 
> Thank you @laurore for your beta help with this, it's much appreciated :)

“Do I want to know how you did this?” Theon asks, watching the foreign king dragging his wailing daughter into their carriage. 

“That depends on how intimately you want to know about my skills,” Asha replies, suggestively wagging a tentacle. “And of course there’s my uncanny ability to fuck a girl where her father is sure to happen upon us. I remember that one time–”

“Yes, thank you, that’s quite enough.” Theon makes a face. “I guess I owe you one, sis.” 

“You definitely do.” Asha’s face becomes serious as she turns her dark eyes on Theon. “You wouldn’t promise not to go up again, would you?”

“I fear not.” Theon grins appealingly, earning a gruff sigh in return. “I promise I’ll be careful? C’mon, Ash, everyone needs a hobby.”

“But does it have to be one where you could end up as grilled calamari?” When Theon just grins at that, Asha groans. “Oh well, fuck off already. If you get yourself killed I’ll at least inherit the throne.” 

“That’s the right attitude.” Theon swiftly kisses Asha’s cheek before he propels himself away. 

He hasn’t come far before Smiler joins him, merrily dancing around Theon’s head. Theon is glad to see him. It’d been so dark yesterday night, he probably wouldn’t find the ship by himself. And if Smiler’s good at one thing, it’s finding ships for Theon. That, and getting knocked up. Theon follows the little seahorse through the ocean until they arrive at the ship, where Smiler proudly neighs, making pirouettes around the huge anchor chain. Theon pats his head before he ascends, carefully keeping close to the ship’s hull. In broad daylight the risk of getting seen is a lot higher, and no matter how blasé Theon pretends to be in front of his sister, he doesn’t really have any desire to end up on a hook or in a net. 

It’s not a big ship, and Theon swims to the front of it, peering at the wooden figure attached to the bow. It’s a mermaid of course, it’s always a mermaid. A little discriminating, Theon thinks. His kind are a lot cooler than mermaids, but he hasn’t ever seen a figure like that on a ship. There only had been one man, an old human who Theon had watched despite the fact that the man hadn’t mated with anyone. He’d carved things out of wood though, and Theon had been fascinated. So fascinated he’d gotten careless, and maybe the human had catched a glimpse, because when Theon had looked the next time the human had been carving something that looked suspiciously like Theon himself. 

A soft growling sound in the distance has Theon look up at the sky. Dark clouds are gathering in the south, a massive storm front. Theon doesn’t like the look of it. A decent thunderstorm could easily upend even a bigger ship than this one, and if the sea doesn’t need one thing it’s adding another wreck to the myriads already littering the ocean floor. That, and he doesn’t want the pretty human to drown. They don’t look pretty once they’re underwater for some time. Thunder rumbles again, and suddenly the wind picks up. Better get on with it and away from here. 

Theon starts pulling himself up the ship’s side, peering into every porthole he comes across. He sees some men, all busy with different things, but no sign of the pretty human. Maybe he’s on deck, Theon muses, or maybe – he stops dead when he looks through yet another porthole, painfully clonking his forehead against the glass in his haste to see inside. He’s there! He found him! And he’s… Theon swallows, wishing he could just smash the glass. The human is naked, mouthwateringly naked. If only he could _see_ – 

Theon hesitates just a moment before he lifts a tentacle, pressing it against the glass. He’s never done this before, it’s too risky, but in this case… Theon adheres the suction pads to the glass with all his might, closes his eyes – and twists sharply before he pulls. It comes off almost too easily, the screech of the frame startling Theon, and with a yelp he lets go of the glass, watching as it plunges into the water. 

“What the–” 

The husky voice comes from inside, and Theon quickly makes himself as flat as he can against the ship’s side. Out of the corner of his eyes he can see a hand appearing in the open circle before it vanishes again. Theon waits for another long moment before he dares to move again, crawling closer to the porthole. He holds his breath and peers over the edge, curious to see if the human’s still there. He is, just as naked as before, but of course now that Theon can actually see clearly, the human has his back turned to him. 

It’s a nice back, firm and muscular, the shoulders broad and strong. Theon lets his gaze wander lower, to what he heard the humans call arse. He’s not an expert, but over time he’s seen enough of them to know that this is an extraordinarily pretty specimen, with well rounded cheeks… Theon shivers pleasantly as he tries to imagine what it’d be like to push a cock between those cheeks, make the pretty human cry out – the human bends forward and Theon nearly loses his balance at the sight. So enticing…

The human is doing something Theon can’t make out – that is, until the human suddenly reaches behind himself, a wet sponge in hand with which he – oh fucking _fuck!_ Theon almost chokes on his own saliva when the human lathers himself with the sponge, suds running down his legs, skin gleaming wetly – he turns to the side, continuing with his chest, down his stomach, to his cock… It starts to perk up as the human works it over, and Theon’s eyes almost fall out of his head when the sponge drops to the floor and the human’s hand closes around the hardened length. 

It’s incredible. Theon doesn’t know where to look, eyes greedily flitting from the going ons below to the human’s flushed face, prettier than Theon remembers it to be. White teeth worrying a plump lip, dark lashes fanning red cheeks, a soft moan comes from the human’s throat and Theon shudders, his third tentacle pulsing – the human stiffens, spilling pearl-white ink over his hand. He stands still for a moment before he sighs, bending to pick up the discarded sponge and resuming his cleaning. Theon sighs too, a little too loud, because the human’s head jolts around, dark, shocked eyes stare directly into Theon’s, and with a hiss he lets go, painfully smacking against the surface before he quickly dives as deep as he can. 

“You’re breathing like a manatee,” a voice pipes up from underneath Theon. “Anything happen?” 

“I think he saw me,” Theon says dumbly. His heart is beating way too fast, chills still running down his spine. “He saw me, Wex!” 

“Are you sure?” Wex fights his way out from under Theon, shaking himself when he’s finally free. “Then why aren’t there any harpoons being thrown after you? I always thought humans liked to eat squid.” 

“He didn’t see the tentacles I think,” Theon muses. “Only my face.”

“Well, no problem then. Your face isn’t that non-human. And very handsome,” Wex hurries to add when Theon gives him a glare. “Still, he ought to be wondering how a face can just appear up the side of the ship, I guess. Maybe you should steer clear of this particular human for a while?” 

“As if,” Theon snorts, slowly recovering from the fright. “You should’ve seen his face, so beautiful when he handled his cock…” 

“Oh, that’s what he did?” Wex giggles, wagging his eyes. “You do realize you wouldn’t need a cock to do that to him, yeah?” 

“Sure,” Theon says dryly, “I’ll just climb aboard and hope he’ll ignore the fact that my lower half is a bit tentacly, right? No problem at all, humans _love_ tentacles.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t try. Who knows, maybe they’re into it? They’re into mermaids for sure.” 

“They wouldn’t be if they knew them better,” Theon mutters darkly. 

He really doesn’t like mermaids. Pretentious, nasty creatures, all of them. Sure, they are amazingly pretty, with their big, violet eyes and their long, pale hair. But they have a horrible temper. Sea dragons, they’re called among ocean dwellers. And they’re dangerous, too, at least for humans. Most of the tales the humans have involve the mermaid’s _kiss_ , whatever that is, saving a man from drowning. As far as Theon knows, mermaids are more often than not the _reason_ humans are drowning. It’s a sport to them. 

“The current is getting stronger,” Wex observes. “Did you see anything up there?” 

“Storm coming from the south,” Theon confirms with a nod. “Better see that we find a safe place until it’s over.”

“There’s a cave not far if I remember correctly.” 

“Then let’s go there.” Theon whistles soundlessly, and after a moment Smiler shoots out from a bed of anemones, neighing questioningly. “Can you hang around here and come get me if the ship is still here after the storm?” 

The seahorse turns upside down and sneezes, and Theon grins to himself as he gathers Wex into his hands and swims away. They had come as a package, Wex and Smiler. All Theon had wanted was a low-maintenance pet – Asha’s pet at the time had been a steadily growing pike with a penchant for chewing up Theon’s belongings. The shopkeeper had offered a blowfish (too anxious), a sea slug (too dull) and the tiniest seahorse Theon had ever seen. When Theon had looked at it, it had sneezed, neighed, and swum up to him, wrapping its tail around his finger. And that had been that. 

“If you pay ten more I’ll give you a crab on top of it,” the shopkeeper had said hopefully, and since Theon had been in a good mood and hungry on top of that, he’d paid the guy and received not one, but two crabs. 

“Hi, my name is Wex,” the smaller one had said, “and this is my mum. Please don’t eat us.” 

Theon doesn’t like it when his food talks to him, so in the end he had released them both into the wild. And for some indiscernible reason, Wex had stayed. He’s annoying like hell, talking Theon’s ears off day in, day out – but it can’t be denied Theon has gotten used to him. He has his assets. 

“I spy with my little eye,” Wex starts once they are safely in the cave, “something… blue!”

“Surgeonfish,” Theon mutters, rolling his eyes. “Now shut your trap, will you.” 

He’s staring outside, at the strong current and the fish hurrying past. This seems to be a big one, and Theon can’t quite repress the slight gnawing in his stomach whenever he thinks of the ship and the humans on it. One human. It’s a big ship, he tells himself, strong and sturdy. A little storm won’t do anything to it. If the human is clever and stays below, nothing dreadful should happen to him, a little nausea at most. Or maybe he’ll hit his head when the ship starts rolling, or maybe he’s stupid and he’ll go on deck and be washed overboard… 

A distant sound catches Theon’s attention, and moments later something small and pink smacks into his chest, puffing furiously. Theon catches Smiler in his hand; it only takes one look at him to confirm his worst visions. 

“The ship,” he says, and Smiler neighs in confirmation. 

“Please tell me you won’t swim out there just because – Theon!!!” Wex shouts at his back, as Theon hurries out into the churning waters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, storm upon us and we all know how that'll end...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> It's Wednesday again, and I want to thank lovely @laurore for her beta help with this! Very very appreciated!

It looks as if the world is ending. He’s hardly able to swim through the churning waters, tossed about by waves higher than any ship. In the bright seconds when lightning crashes over the sky, Theon can make out the silhouette of his human’s ship – or what is left of it. Its stern lies lower in the water than the bow and the mast is broken. There is shouting, almost drowned out by thunder, and Theon can see what looks to be a boat being let down with ropes. Theon curses loudly, pushing himself towards it. Are they completely out of their minds? How do they think they’ll survive in that small cockleshell when even a big ass ship can’t weather the storm? 

In the course of another bolt of lightning Theon scans the faces of the men huddling in the boat, and his stomach drops. His human isn’t among them. They all look frightened and agitated, yelling at each other, and now Theon is near enough to hear what they’re saying. 

“I haven’t seen him!” 

“We have to go back for him, we can’t just leave him behind!”

“It’s too late!”

“He must’ve been washed overboard, there’s nothing we can do!” 

They must be talking about the pretty human… Theon curses again. Damn those yellow-bellied cowards, all of them! He dives down beneath the sinking ship, looking everywhere for a human shape in the swirl. It’s a hopeless search, he’s aware of that. One small body in this turmoil would quickly be dragged away, crushed by the weight of the water. Humans are so fragile, so weak. 

It’s a spur of the moment decision that brings Theon to the side of the ship, to where he’d last seen his human. The porthole is halfway submerged, and when he peers inside he can see that the room has not yet run full of water. It’s dark inside, but Theon thinks he can make out something – someone? He needs to make sure. With every ounce of strength he possesses, Theon starts to work away at the wood surrounding the porthole, finally succeeding in enlarging the opening enough to slip through. He feels his way through the rising water to the shape he’d seen, and his heart leaps in his chest when his hand touches something soft.

The human is breathing but unresponsive. He doesn’t move when Theon tugs at him. Irritated, Theon fumbles along the human’s chest and further down, finally finding the human’s leg trapped beneath a chest that must’ve fallen over. It’s not easy, freeing the leg, what with the ship rolling and the water now rising alarmingly fast. At long last, needing three tentacles and both his hands, he manages to get the chest off, and this time he manages to wrap a tentacle around the human and pull him out. It takes some more fumbling until Theon has pushed him through the hole, but then they’re out and Theon quickly swims to the surface, looking around in panic. 

The bloody boat is gone!! 

“Damn cowards!!” Theon yells into the storm. “I hope your crappy boat sinks and you end up as shark fodder!” 

A gurgling sound catches his attention, and Theon quickly lifts the human out of the water. He’s coughing weakly, his limbs twitching. _Good,_ Theon thinks, that means he’s not dead. Not yet in any case, but the waves are still high and strong, whirling them about. It’s bloody strenuous, supporting the human while trying not to be swept away, and in the end there’s only one thing Theon can do. 

“If Father hears about this he’s going to murder me,” he mutters to himself, using the next lightning bolt to check his surroundings. 

Thankfully, the little peninsula Theon likes to go to for human-watching isn’t that far off, just a nice, leisurely swim. Or it would be, on a clear night, with calm waters and a light breeze. Tonight it takes him a lot longer, and by the time Theon reaches the hidden lagoon the humans use for mating, he’s utterly knackered. With the dregs of his energy, he pushes the human beyond the water line before he draws back towards a rock sitting in the water a few feet from the beach. It takes him a good while to catch his breath, and the storm has started to die down by the time Theon’s curiosity wins out over his exhaustion. 

He’s never had the opportunity to see one of them quite as close, so he swims back to the beach, pulling himself halfway onto the sand. The human hasn’t moved an inch, still lying in the same position Theon had dumped him in: on his back, arms and legs stretched out. A little like a stranded starfish. Theon reaches out, hesitating for just a moment. This’ll be the first time he touches a human, his human. Carefully, tentacles on the ready and prepared to flee at a moment’s notice, Theon pushes the damp, sand-caked hair from the human’s face, studying it intently.

He’s really, really pretty. Almost as pretty as the mermaids, but a lot darker. His skin has a light golden tan to it, his hair is pitch-black, as is the hair around his mouth. His eyes are closed, but Theon is quite sure they’re dark too – it’s hard to tell when one only ever watches humans at night. This time it’s a little better, especially since the clouds have started to dissipate, revealing a waxing moon, almost full. In the soft light Theon turns the human’s head from one side to the other, investigating the ears, cautiously lifting a corner of the full lips to reveal very white teeth. So far so ordinary, nothing Theon doesn’t have himself. He continues his exploration, counting ten fingers, not as long and, frankly, not as elegant as his own. Strong arms, looking stronger than Theon’s. Oh well, looks can be deceiving. Theon presses his ear against the human’s chest to listen for his heartbeat, marvelling at the smooth chest. Some humans have outright pelts on them, some even on their back!

Finally Theon can’t hold himself back anymore. He needs to get a look at the _really_ interesting things. The human’s legs are heavy, very limp, and when Theon curiously pulls at the strange finger-like stubs coming out of them, one of the foot things twitches, almost kicking Theon in the nose. He holds his breath, but the human doesn’t move again, so Theon lets his hand glide under the damp cloth covering the human’s lower half – trousers, if he’s not mistaken, wondering why the fuck he can feel soft, fuzzy hair along the leg. Is there even one place on their bodies where humans aren’t hairy? 

They certainly have hair around their cocks, Theon knows this much. And one time he’d seen a man with such a furry behind, that for a moment Theon hadn’t been sure if the active man wasn’t accidentally fucking a seal. Holy mackerel, he's glad _his_ human doesn’t look like that! Theon gives the concealing trousers a shrewd glance. There’s no sign of consciousness except for the flat rising and falling of the human’s chest. Maybe… one tentacle slowly makes its way to the fastening of the trousers… maybe he could just have a teeny tiny look–

“Shouldn’t you wait until he’s awake before you molest him?” 

Swallowing back a startled yelp, Theon removes his hands from the human’s half-opened trousers, slapping another entirely too curious tentacle out of the way as he turns around, glaring at his sister. She’s bobbing up and down in the soft current, arms crossed before her chest. She cocks an eyebrow at Theon, nodding at the human. 

“He dead?” 

“I don’t think so.” Theon looks back, just in time for the human to twitch, emitting a hoarse groan. “Just out cold.” He shrugs. “Wouldn’t be fun to play with a dead one.”

“And you decided that _fun_ in this case means feeling him up? I’d be careful if I were you, you don’t know how it works with them.” 

“Please.” Theon rolls his eyes. “I have seen them mating a lot, I know where to put it. Or rather, where not to put it. And it’s still a male. Human males don’t carry babies.”

“Do you have to find out if that’s true?” Asha gives Theon a pained look. “I’d rather fuck off before he wakes up and develops a spontaneous appetite for calamari.” The human groans again. “See?” Asha adds accusingly. “He’s already waking up, you moron!”

“You go. I want to see what colour his eyes are,” Theon says, closely bending over the human. “He’ll believe he’s having hallucinations anyway.” 

“Fucking – fine. Knock yourself out,” Asha says with a long-suffering sigh. “But don’t come crying to me when he’s killed and grilled you.” 

“Yes, yes, yes.”

Theon impatiently waves a tentacle at her, gaze trained on the human’s eyes. The human mumbles something, and then, finally, his eyelids flutter, slowly opening. Theon holds his breath. They’re brown. It’s a lovely, deep colour, not the mother-of-pearl mix of the krakens, nor the alien purple of the mermaids. At first the human’s gaze is unfocused, but then his eyes widen as he sees Theon hovering over him. His lovely, plump mouth opens, and Theon couldn’t have stopped himself if he’d tried. He bends down, covering the soft lips with his own. The human makes a startled noise deep in his throat, eyes sliding closed again. 

Theon lingers for just another moment before he moves back and dives beneath the water. He swims back to the rock, peering around it and watching as the human sits up, rubbing his eyes and staring out into the waves. Theon touches his lips with two fingers. They’re still tingling in a strange, enticing new way. 

Maybe there’s something to this mouth-on-mouth after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Theon is a little smitten it seems. Any thoughts? 😬


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, sorry for posting so late. Things are going from shit to shittier and I couldn't drag up the motivation to write until today. At least it's still Wednesday I guess. 
> 
> Thank you @laurore for the late-night-beta!

“You’re behaving strangely.” 

“Hmmm?” Theon looks up from the anemone that he’s been shredding into tiny pieces. “Oh, hi, Wex.” 

“Hi, Wex,” the little crab repeats in a mocking tone. “How about, I’m sorry, Wex, for not showing my face outside in three days and now that you come visit me I’m only mooning around and sighing like a moron?” 

“Wasn’t my fault.” Theon turns onto his back, staring at the corals above his bed. “I’m grounded. Someone – haven’t figured out who yet – told my old man I was up on the surface again.”

“Oops.” Wex makes the most sympathetic face a crab can make. “Bet His Grace wasn’t too pleased.” 

“Wasn’t pretty, no.” Theon sighs again, earning himself a dubious glance. “What? I’m bored,” he says defiantly. 

“That’s not an, I’m-bored sigh. I know your I’m-bored sighs.” Wex makes his way across Theon’s stomach and up to his chest, peering into his face. “You’re distracted.” 

“Am not,” Theon contradicts stubbornly, sighing again. “Okay, well, maybe a little? It’s just – it’s been three days and I can’t stop thinking about – forget it.” 

“About what?” Wex pinches Theon’s chin. “Come on, you can tell me. I promise I won’t laugh if it’s something stupid. Which I bet it is.” 

“It’s rather stupid,” Theon concedes. “I think – do you know anyone around here with brown eyes?” 

Wex appears to think hard. “Seals,” he finally says. “Seals have brown eyes.” 

“Not like seals,” Theon says, rolling his eyes. “More like… I don’t know. I’ve never seen this colour before.”

“Someone is smitteeeeeen,” Wex singsongs, giggling when Theon groans. “Admit it, admit it!”

He meanly pinches Theon’s nipple before he hops off him and bolts under the bed where he continues his silly tune.

“Yes, hide away,” Theon grumbles, rubbing his mistreated chest. “You gotta come out again sometime, and then I’ll make a cocktail of you!” 

“I’m shivering with fear,” comes Wex’ voice from below. “Prince Theon is smit-ten, smit-ten!” 

“I’m nothing of the sort!!” 

“Prince Theon and the human, sitting by the sea, m-a-t-i-n-g!” 

“Would that I could.” Theon sighs again, heavily. “I’d give all my tentacles for a decent cock. You should’ve seen his mouth, I bet he’s great at taking a cock in there.” 

“Urgh,” Wex pipes up.

“It looks to be a lot of fun,” Theon muses. “Remember that one time on the beach where that one human inked himself just from that? And they only do that when they enjoy themselves, not when they’re threatened or scared.” 

“Is it me or are you even more obsessed than before?” There’s a shuffling noise, and a moment later Wex clambers into sight. “You talk of nothing else but pretty human this, cock that…”

“I know.” Theon shrugs. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything as much as this.”

“Well,” Wex starts, hesitating for a moment. “This is probably a stupid idea, but have you thought of asking your uncle if he could do something?” 

“That’s the mother of all stupid ideas,” Theon says, horrified at the thought. “I’d have to be really desperate to ask Euron for help.” 

As if on cue there’s a coughing sound behind Theon, and when he turns to the window he’s greeted by the sight of Asha’s pet swordfish. 

“Hey, Qarl,” Theon says, raising his eyebrows. “Did Ash throw you out again?” 

“I bring a message from my mistress,” Qarl says stiffly. “I am to tell you: Hey, fucker, Father lost his last marble. He’s arranged a marriage for you with the Princess of Blacktyde.” 

“Holy beluga,” Wex pipes up. “Isn’t that the one with the–” 

“I’m not done yet!” Qarl gives Wex a swordfishy glare. “My mistress says further: The contract is already signed. I can’t do anything to stop this, but I can give you time for a last visit up. You have ten minutes to get out of the castle.” Qarl clears his throat. “End of message.” 

For a moment there’s silence. Theon has gone rigid, only coming back to his senses when Wex starts to talk. 

“Huh. Well. Desperate enough yet?” 

Theon grabs him and whirls through the doors. 

There’s some sort of commotion going on in the direction of the throne room, but Theon doesn’t pause to look. Whatever stunt Asha has pulled this time, it’s working. No guards are there to stop Theon when he leaves the castle as fast as he can. Neither him nor Wex say a word as Theon makes his way through the grounds surrounding Pyke. Once they have left the coral gardens behind, Theon relaxes a little, still keeping a brisk pace. It’s a long way to Euron’s lair, and there’s no way of knowing when Theon’s absence will be noticed. Finally the water starts to darken around them, until Theon can make out the bow of the Silence, emerging from the gloom like a nightmare. He slows down, wondering - not for the first time - how the wood can possibly be so bare. Other wrecks are overgrown with corals, inhabited by all kinds of creatures. The Silence only houses the one. 

She must’ve been a grand ship in her time, proudly sailing the seas – but now all that is left is a heap of rotting planks. Theon pauses at the gap leading into the wreck. He hasn’t seen his uncle in quite a while – not since Euron last tried to usurp the kingdom, and then there’d been all the trouble with Uncle Vic and his wife. Wex quietly pinches Theon’s finger, and when Theon looks down at him he seems frightened. Reasonably so. Euron is… it’s difficult to put into words. 

“Are you just going to linger on my porch, nephew?” 

The familiar, deep voice comes from within the wreck, chasing a shiver down Theon’s spine. Still… Wex is right. If anyone can help him – it’s Euron. Swallowing back the nervousness, Theon sets Wex down on the planks, straightens his shoulders and pushes himself through a large hole into what must have been the captain’s quarters, a long time ago. 

“There, that’s more like it.” 

Slowly, Euron’s huge form comes into view, creeping out of the shadows like a bad omen. Theon tries not to roll his eyes, despite the anxious knot in his stomach. His uncle has always had a penchant for drama, and that doesn’t seem to have changed in the least. 

“It’s good to see you, Theon,” Euron drawls, opening his arms and drawing Theon into an uncomfortable hug. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” 

“You look well, Uncle,” Theon says politely. “Have you grown out your hair? I like what you did with your eye.” 

“Oh, that?” Euron laughs, lifting the eyepatch he’s wearing and winking at Theon with a perfectly healthy-looking eye. “Tickled my fancy when I saw it on an old pirate.” 

“It suits you.” 

“Hmmm…” Euron floats back a few paces, sinking into what looks like a crudely-crafted copy of the Seastone Chair. “Now tell me why you’re here before I get bored. You won’t like it when I’m bored.” 

Probably not. 

“Och, you know, the usual…” Forge on, Theon thinks. The worst that can happen is that Euron will laugh at him. “So, you know how difficult Father can be, right? Well, his newest obsession is marrying me to the Princess of Blacktyde.”

“Oh dear.” Euron chuckles softly. “Now that’s an unpleasant predicament indeed. But I don’t see why that would bring you here.”

“Yeah, that’s not all.” Theon pauses, sighs. Here goes nothing. “There’s kind of… someone else? Someone I need your help to get.” 

“Please tell me it isn’t a mermaid.” Euron makes a face. “I hate those fishy bastards.” 

“It’s – well, it’s worse?” Theon casts his gaze down, biting his lip. “It’s a human.” 

“Oh.” When Theon glances up, he finds that his uncle is grinning. “Well, I myself am not opposed to engage with them every now and then. Sadly, they’re seldom alive by the time they drift down to my home.” 

“Urgh,” Theon mumbles, shuddering at the thought. “Nah, my human is very much alive. And I’d like him to stay that way.” 

“Well, I still don’t know what you want from me.” Euron frowns. “Just go and grab him when he’s not looking, take him to shallow waters and do your thing.” 

“I want a cock!” Theon blurts out. “I want a cock and legs so I can go and fuck him!” 

“A cock?” Euron seems genuinely surprised at that. “What in the Seven Seas do you need a cock for? You’ve got tentacles! Eight of them! That ought to keep your human busy for a while.” 

“It’s not the same,” Theon mutters. 

“Aye, it’s not. It’s infinitely better.” Euron pushes himself from his seat, looming over Theon like a grim shadow. “You can do so much more with them…” One of Euron’s tentacles slowly creeps around Theon’s waist, another making its way up his chest, winding around Theon’s neck. “I can show you some things, little Theon…” 

Euron’s eye is glittering with mirth as the tentacle around Theon’s neck inches towards his mouth. Theon grimaces, slapping it away. 

“No, thank you. I don’t know where that has been.” 

“Your loss.” Euron laughs, drawing his tentacles tighter around Theon. “So you want to be human? Is that it? Just for some random man?” 

“He’s really pretty,” Theon says, distractedly trying to wriggle out of his uncle’s grasp. “And I don’t want to go native, just disappear for awhile until Father has forgotten about marrying me to that hag. Disappear and fuck my human. With a cock,” Theon adds firmly when another tentacle tries to slip where he doesn’t want it.. “Listen, Uncle – can you help me or not?” 

“Of course I can, what do you think of me?” Euron takes Theon’s chin in his large hand, tilting his head up. “But you must know that everything comes with a price. You must give something to receive what you wish for.” 

“And what,” Theon chokes when Euron slings a tentacle around his neck, “what would that be?” 

“Two legs and one cock, and a nice, firm arse on top…” Euron’s face comes closer until he’s merely an inch away from Theon. “I think your voice will do just fine.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like Euron – he's the bestest Disney villain one could wish for!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! 
> 
> Dears, the most awesome thing happened: I GOT ART FOR THIS STORY!!! The wonderful, talented @Buena has surprised me with an incredible gift: Kraken Theon Art! He's so beautiful, please go look at him and praise the artist (yes, artist!!) 
> 
> [Kraken Prince](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25002163)
> 
> I'm so smitten with him ❤️❤️❤️

“My _voice?_ Whatever do you want my voice for?” 

Theon crosses his arms before his chest, tucking his tentacles closer to his body as he watches his uncle creep around the room, gathering little flasks and peculiar-looking items. 

“It’s a simple trade,” Euron mutters distractedly, inspecting something that looks disturbingly like fish parts. “You want something, you give something in return. And it needs to be something of value, something you don’t want to part with.” 

He’s right on that account. Theon likes hearing himself talk, likes how his voice sounds when he’s cozying up to some kraken wench. And it never fails to hit the mark. This is how he usually seduces them, with his words. The seduction is the fun part. The rest usually doesn’t last very long, nowhere near as long as he’s seen humans go at it. It’s an uncomfortable thought, being without his voice, unable to speak. Will he be able to even charm his human if he can’t sweet-talk him? 

“I wouldn’t worry,” Euron drawls, giving Theon a smile that has his skin crawl. “You don’t need it to get that human to bend over for you. They’re generally very easy to seduce – not that I give them much choice, mind. We look different to them, exotic. They drown in our eyes, can’t keep their hands off of our pale skin… they’re fascinated by our otherness.” 

“I don’t even know how to find him.” 

“That shouldn’t be too hard.” Euron studies Theon for a moment. “You saw your human on a ship? The one that has sunk just a few nights ago?” 

“Aye, would be, I guess.” Theon tries to remember more details. “The cabin I saw him bathing in was pretty posh, more so than any others I’ve seen.” 

“I’ve seen the ship. It used to be the flagship of the Royal Fleet.” Euron’s eyebrows climb up as he grins, obviously amused. “Theon, Theon… it sounds to me _your_ pretty human may be the prince himself.” 

A prince… how fitting. Theon can’t help but preen a little at his impeccable taste. But then of course he himself is highborn, fish of a scale flocking together and all that. And if the human is indeed the prince, it’ll be way easier to find him than Theon could have hoped for. 

“Do you want a cock now or not?” Euron sounds slightly impatient. “I have other things to do than indulge your fantasies.” 

“Yes, please,” Theon says politely. 

“About time.” Euron’s eye narrows. I don’t perform a spell of such magnitude every day. It’s tiring. If it turns out I did it for nothing…” 

Theon swallows, looking away from his uncle’s piercing gaze. It wouldn’t be forever, just for some time, just to try it once, having a cock. Maybe it isn’t all that great, and then at least he’ll know and can stop obsessing over it. Live a dull, regular life with a random wife, a gaggle of offspring, one day becoming king… It sounds horrible in his mind, oppressing. Suddenly the human’s face appears in Theon’s mind, wide-eyed and startled, so pretty, so enticing, so _different..._ Just this once. To have him just one time, and finally know what it’s like. 

“Please, uncle,” Theon repeats firmly, straightening his back, “please help me.” 

Euron grins, apparently delighted, before he starts to mix the ingredients he’s gathered in a bowl, whispering words Theon can’t make out under his breath. Theon watches, starting to feel uncomfortable again. The water around them seems to darken further, the only light a sinister glow pouring from Euron’s hands, illuminating his face in a way that... Theon shudders, unable to look away. 

“Your voice, boy,” Euron hisses, “I need you to use your voice, _now!”_

For a moment Theon isn’t sure what his uncle wants from him – recite the pledge of the seas maybe – but then he starts to hum. It’s a simple tune, one of his favourite lullabies when he’d been very young. The glow coming from Euron intensifies, the water seems to tremble around him and then the light vanishes, plunging them into darkness. Theon means to call for Euron, but no sound leaves his mouth. His hands move to his throat on their own, clutching at it, he tries again – nothing. 

“It is done,” Euron’s voice drifts from somewhere near, and then the glow is back, only a tiny orb floating between them and bringing a dim light back to their surroundings, and in the light Theon can see a large black pearl, hovering a few inches above Euron’s outstretched hand. Theon unconsciously moves closer, but immediately Euron’s fingers close around the pearl. 

“It is mine now, nephew. Until you return, this shall be my token, my pawn to ensure you keep our agreement.” 

Agreement? Theon frowns, lips already moving before he remembers, and he breaks off with a frustrated sigh. What the fuck does Euron mean by arrangement? 

“Oh, my dear boy…” Euron chuckles. “You didn’t think I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart, did you?”

Theon opens his mouth before he thinks better of it and just shrugs. 

“That’s exceptionally stupid, even for you.” Euron shakes his head sorrowfully, mockingly. “Don’t think I don’t like you, little Theon. You’re quite entertaining, more so than your father ever was. But I never tend to hand out favours just because.” 

Unable to say something, Theon waits, an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Euron is right – he’s been exceptionally stupid. 

“Don’t worry, my boy, it’s nothing too dreadful. All I want is a little promise before I give you this.” Euron raises one of his tentacles. It’s wrapped around a small flask, filled with a shimmering, black liquid. “Drink it and you’ll be what you so desire.” Euron’s smile turns nasty, gleeful. “For seven nights. You’ll have seven nights to find and fuck your prince – or any human, for all I care, I’m not that petty.” 

What the – Theon stares at his uncle. Has he lost his mind? 

“What?” Euron shrugs. “I’m not going to give you the equipment you want at the risk of you wasting it. No, no, you better make use of my gift. If you don’t before the seven nights are over…” 

Euron drifts nearer, wrapping a tentacle around Theon’s neck and pulling him close. 

“I’ll come for you, nephew,” he whispers in Theon’s ear. “And you’ll be my faithful servant until the end of your days.” 

Theon flinches back, horror-struck, barely noticing the flask being shoved into his hands. He’s been so stupid, so utterly, _utterly_ stupid–

“What are you waiting for?” Euron asks, cocking an eyebrow. “Seven nights, Theon. I wouldn’t lose any more time if I were you.” 

He starts to laugh and the spell breaks. Theon whirls around, hardly feeling it when he collides with a broken plank on his way out of the ship that leaves a bloody line across his skin. 

Wex is still waiting outside, eyes shooting up when he sees Theon coming. Theon barely stops long enough to give the little crab time to grab onto one of his tentacles before he speeds off, diving through the current as fast as he can, holding onto the flask like an anchor. He only stops, out of breath, when he’s reached the lagoon he’d taken his human to after saving him. Theon swims to the rock, hiding behind it before he breaks through the water surface. It’s the middle of the day, the sun is bright in the blue sky. The humans only come here at night. 

“Theon? Are you alright?” 

Theon gives Wex a short glance before he shrugs, pushing himself away from the rock and towards the beach. He lets the waves wash him into shallow water, looking around one more time to make sure there’s no one there. Wex lets go of Theon, swimming the last few inches and scuttling onto the damp sand. 

“What happened?” he asks, shaking one leg to get the sand off. “Did Euron agree to help you?” 

_He fucked me over, of course,_ Theon thinks. By now he’s more angry at himself than at Euron. Still… nothing’s lost yet. Seven nights is a rather long time. And if he can’t find his prince – well, Euron did say any old human will do. As an answer to Wex’ question Theon silently lifts the flask, stomach churning when he studies the black liquid sloshing around inside. 

“Looks ghastly,” Wex echoes Theon’s thoughts. “And that’ll make you human?” 

Theon shrugs, pulling a hopeful face. Only one way to find out. He takes a deep breath as he uncorks the flask, setting it to his lips and downing its content in one gulp. It tastes foul, and for a heartbeat nothing happens except for an overwhelming nausea – Theon gasps, mouth opening in a silent scream when pain shoots through his body, as if he’d being pierced through by a spear. His back arches, the pain worsens as his lower half begins to burn and twist, tentacles jerking uncontrollably. Theon’s throat feels raw despite no sound coming from him, his hands clench into fists as another wave of pain washes over him, his body almost lifting out of the water as it changes, loses its shape, rearranging itself, too much, unbearable–

“Theon? Theon, wake up! _Theon!”_

Theon’s eyes fly open as someone roughly pinches his finger. He sits up with a jolt, distractedly noticing the dried sand caked on his face. Wex is staring at him with an anxious expression, and for a moment Theon doesn’t know where he is – and then he remembers, jerking forward and staring down at himself. The tentacles are gone, all of them. In their place there are two long, smooth legs, human legs! Theon tries to lift one, delighted when it immediately moves. He wriggles the little things at the end of the foot, grinning at the funny feeling. 

“Theon, _look!”_

Theon’s gaze wanders to the side, to Wex, pointing at something – Theon looks down into his lap, and his breath catches when he sees it hanging there in all its glory. 

_I have a cock!_ he shouts in his head, dizzy with joy. _And what a cock!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, he's got his cock. Next very obvious thing: ... XD


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Hope you're all well. In today's episode: Theon tries to get a handle on his new toy! (Wait – is that a pun? IS IT??)

It’s… curious. A lot more dangly than he thought it’d be. Theon gingerly takes his brand-new cock between two fingers, flinging it around. Feels curious, too, very squishy, and not as muscular as a tentacle. Theon wraps his whole hand around it, gasping when the movement feels good in an entirely new way. Something is happening to the cock, and the more Theon moves his hand, the bigger it gets, until it is a lot harder, protruding from his body on its own once he lets go. Theon pokes it, giggling soundlessly when the cock merrily bounces back. 

“Holy mackerel,” Wex mutters. “I don’t think I want to watch this at all.” 

Theon gives him a short glance, rolling his eyes and pointing at the sea before he goes back to prodding at his cock. This is starting to feel good, and he really doesn’t have the nerve to deal with crabby sensitivities right now. To his relief Wex actually follows his suggestion, muttering under his breath as he scuttles into the waves. Theon watches until the crab is out of sight before he takes the cock in hand again, tugging by way of trial. His mouth falls open when this results in a wave of pleasure, concentrated on that one part of him. He tugs again, nearly startled out of his skin when the cock pulses and starts to spill a huge load of white ink all over his hand. 

_What the_ – for a moment Theon is too perplexed to react, slight trembles still running through him. This didn’t even last a moment! Humans normally manage to go at least _some_ time before they ink. Miffed, Theon snips the once-again-soft cock, hissing when that earns him a flash of pain. Seven seas, cocks seem to be really sensitive! Resolved on leaving further exploration for later, Theon tries to push himself to his new feet. It’s not as easy as anyone watching humans would believe, and it takes a few falls before he finally stands on wobbly legs, taking his first steps. 

It’s very inelegant, the way he stumbles and sways, and for a moment Theon wonders how the fuck he is supposed to seduce his human without his voice _and_ without his naturally graceful movements. He tries again, trotting up and down the small beach until he feels more assured, less ungainly. The cock is dangling about whenever he takes a step – and it isn’t the only thing that is dangling. Theon stops, pushing the cock to the side to look at the peculiar sacks hanging beneath it. They look squishy, and react even more sensitively to prodding than the cock. Probably human ink sacs, Theon muses, deciding to stay away from them as well as he can. 

Next he practises sitting down and getting up again, over and over until he manages it without capsizing into the sand every time he tries. The sand turns out to be a real problem. It seems to go all sorts of places, creeping into every fold, even between the rounded globes that form his behind. Theon slaps one of them, satisfied when the flesh jiggles appealingly. Arse, this part is called, and humans seem to appreciate it greatly. For a moment Theon thinks of his human, of the wonderful arse on _him_ – _What in all seas_ – Theon frowns in confusion when the cock suddenly takes a leap without having been touched. Interesting. Could it be...

He decides to prove his theory, closing his eyes and picturing his human, that one time when he watched him bathe himself. The cock gets so hard Theon starts to feel anxious; he opens one eye, cautiously poking at the tip. It explodes. Theon starts, stumbling and rudely landing on his poor arse as the cock spits some more ink, though not as much as the first time. _Fucking barracuda, this cock is ridiculous!_ It’s limply hanging down once _again,_ but pleasure is still coursing through Theon’s body. Slightly exhausted he slumps backwards, staring at the clouds wandering across the bright blue sky. Maybe it’s just a question of proper training, like walking. 

He must’ve dozed off in the warm sand, only waking up when something pinches his foot. Theon sits up, yawning soundlessly. It’s really peculiar, having no voice. He can’t even yell at Wex, unsurprisingly the source of the pinch. For some reason he looks sheepish, almost apologetic, and Theon doesn’t understand why – until he looks at the water, finding his sister staring back at him with a look of utter shock on her face. 

“Sorry, mate,” Wex mutters dejectedly. “She cornered me.” 

Theon gives him a furious glare, expressively dragging a finger across his throat. 

“Theon… what the fuck have you done?” 

Asha sounds angry, resigned and sad, all at once. Theon sighs. How the fuck is he supposed to explain without being able to speak? Well, the two of them used to be quite good at charade games as children, maybe that’ll work. First, Theon covers one eye with his hand, pulling his face into the most evil grin he can manage. 

“Euron,” Ash says like a shot, groaning when Theon nods enthusiastically. “Good goblin shark, you fucking moron!” 

Theon waves her off. He knows that without her saying it out loud, thank you very much. Annoyed, he indicates for Ash to shut her trap before he continues, pointing at his throat, then at the cock and the legs. Ash seems confused, so Theon repeats the motion until her face lights up – only to darken again immediately. 

“You traded your voice for a _cock_? Are you – have you–” Asha breaks off, apparently lost for words. “And what the fuck are you going to do now?” 

Theon makes a very indecent gesture that earns him a disgusted grimace. 

“So, all of this, just to fuck some human? Oh _fine,_ your human.” Asha sighs when Theon gestures wildly, her face softening. “You’ll come back when you’re done with it, though, right?” 

Theon nods firmly, holding up seven fingers. 

“Seven days, got it,” Asha mutters. 

Theon gets to his feet, walking over until he’s at the waterline. He kneels down, grabbing a piece of driftwood and carving a crude drawing of a seahorse into the wet sand. He looks up at his sister, making his best pleading-dolphin-face until she groans. 

“Alright, alright, I’ll look after your nutty pet. But I’m _not_ taking the blabbermouth,” she adds sourly, pointing at Wex. 

“I’d rather stay with Theon anyway,” Wex says, obviously peeved. “He’ll need all the help he can get.” 

“Aye, can’t argue with that,” Asha sighs again. “Look, Theon… I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try to come here every evening at sunset. If you need any help...”

Theon walks straight into the water, enveloping his horrified sister in a tight hug. 

“What – are you – _get that thing away from me!_ ” 

Theon grins, pecking her cheek before he lets go, watching as she vanishes beneath the waves. She’s alright, his sister, sometimes at least. 

“So, what’s our plan?” Wex pipes up, wagging his eyes. “Do you know where to find your human?” 

Good question. Theon has no idea in which direction he has to go to find the castle. Maybe it’d be better if he waited for the night, in the hope that some humans will come here for mating, and then he could follow them when they leave. On the other hand time is running out, and losing the rest of the day and the first night seems imprudent. Lost in his musings, Theon doesn’t notice the shadow creeping over him until a large, rough hand comes down on his shoulder, almost scaring him to death. He swivels around, stumbling back when he looks upon two equally startled men, both their faces almost comical when their gazes drop to his oscillating cock. 

“What in the seven hells do you think you’re doing here without clothes?” one of them asks, a tall human with a large potbelly. 

“Aye, are you potty or something, dancing around with no clothes on?” adds the other one, completely aghast. 

Theon looks at the first one again, narrowing his eyes. Something about him seems familiar… and then it hits him. He’d seen him on the ship! The same ship his human had been on! Theon breaks into a huge smile, grabbing the fat guy at his collar and smacking his mouth on both of his cheeks, like the mermaids do for a greeting. The man looks horrified, trying to move out of Theon’s grasp. Theon sighs, letting go. He needs to try a different approach. With both hands he indicates a crown on his head, pointing at the sea, pretending to drown before he stops to look at the two men expectantly. They share a dubious glance, one of them shrugs, and Theon rolls his eyes. 

“Can’t you talk, man?” the fat one asks, earning himself an elbow in the side from his friend. 

“I think he’d have said something if he could,” the thin one hisses accusingly. 

_Blablabla,_ Theon thinks, annoyed. Not so good at charades, those two. Back to the alternative then. He crouches down, using his finger to draw a stick figure with elaborate, luscious curls, wearing a crown. The men look at it, simultaneously scratching their heads. Suddenly the thin one barks a laugh that makes Theon jump. 

“The prince? You want to go see the prince, aye?” He turns to his friend, grinning smugly. “It’s quite easy to understand, actually. He was at sea, probably had an accident and lost his voice and now he wants to go and see the prince.” 

Theon nods enthusiastically, and the fat human scowls.

“And why would His Highness receive you?” 

Indignantly, Theon gestures at his appearance. Seriously, are they blind? Of fucking course the prince will receive him, anyone in their right mind would. 

_Because I’m bloody gorgeous, you moron,_ he mouths at him.

“Wouldn’t be the first stray His Highness takes in,” the thin one muses. “He’s been rather bored since the last war, hasn’t he?”

“Aye, true.” The fat one sighs heavily, turning to Theon. “Alright, mate, we’ll take you to the castle. But first, we’re gonna find you some clothes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ash continues to be the MVP.
> 
> Up next: Theon meets the prince!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wednesday, posting day! Hi :)
> 
> So, here are the adventures of Theon in the human world – and here's the prince. Well. A prince. ^^

Whoever are the inventors of clothes, Theon would like to meet them. To whack them over the head. He has never been so uncomfortable in his whole life. The shirt he’s wearing itches, the trousers are tweaking in the most impossible places, and the man who designed the shoes must really hate feet. Theon can’t help throwing envious glances at every woman they pass on their way to the castle. They are clad in something called skirts, which look lovely and airy, much more comfortable than trousers. But when Theon had pointed at a skirt, both of his new friends had nearly choked laughing and they’d slapped his back as if he’d told the greatest joke. Apparently human men can’t wear skirts. How limiting. 

There’s a lot to see on the way, and Theon nearly twists his head off his neck in his attempt to take in as much as he can. Humans are everywhere, talking to each other and carrying the oddest items. One man is facing a bush at the side of the road – Theon nearly chokes when he sees what exactly that man is doing. With his _cock._ He looks over his shoulder when his mates shoo him on, but the cock is already packed away again. It’s really strange… nobody seems to be mating. It confirms Theon’s theory, that humans don’t like to be seen during the act. Shame, really. 

They finally make it to the castle, through a large gate with two men guarding it. They look at Theon curiously and he gives them a small wave, delighted when one waves back. He’s rather cute, and Theon places him on his mental list of possible alternatives, should his prince not be amenable. Which is rather unlikely. 

“What you got there, Tom?” the one who isn’t cute calls out, wagging his eyebrows. “Little afternoon snack?” 

“He wants to see His Highness,” the man named Tom says gruffly, giving Theon a shove in the back when he stops to make eyes at the cute man. “Go on, I thought you were after the prince?” 

“Lucky him,” the cute guard says, winking. “Last I heard, His Highness was in the gardens. Hacking away at the topiaries.” 

Topi– what? Theon shrugs to himself as his guard steers him onto a path, leading into a vast, green space full of flower beds and what Theon assumes must be the topi-somethings. They’re bushes, cut to resemble various fantastic creatures. One of them is shaped like a cross between a narwhal and a land horse, but before Theon can take a closer look, someone yells and the head of the narwhal-horse tumbles to the ground. Theon raises his eyebrows as a human comes out from behind the slain bush, grinning from one ear to the other. 

“I hate the bloody things,” he says, wiping his sleeve over his brow. “They creep me out.” 

“Beg your pardon, Your Highness,” Tom says, bowing curtly. “We picked him up in the lagoon. Said he wanted to speak to you – well, he didn’t _say_ it, seems he can’t talk, but – here he is.” 

_Wait, what?_ Theon shakes his head, frowning and nodding at the grinning man. That’s not his prince, this is someone completely different. There’s some vague similarity in the way the man stands, the way he holds his shoulders maybe, and they seem to be of the same age, but the rest… For one, this man has shorter hair, curly but the wrong colour, not black but reddish. The man doesn’t have brown eyes either, his are a bright blue. Very handsome, no doubt, and if Theon weren’t biased he’d very much pursue this other prince. Unfortunately, he’s _very_ biased. 

_Wrong prince,_ Theon mouths at his guide humans, pointing adamantly. _Where’s the other one?_

“What’s the matter?” the thin one asks. “You wanted to see the prince, there he is. Sorry, mate, but that’s the only one we’ve got.” 

Theon groans silently. _Fuck!_ There he is, having come all this way and now it’s the wrong human. It was too bloody convenient, Euron knowing the human’s location, these two finding him on the beach… Alright. Getting his tentacles – legs – in a twist isn’t going to help him. What does Wex always say? _Think logically!_ Logically, if Theon’s human has spent time on the royal ship, then he must be part of the court, even if he isn’t the prince. The man named Tom had been on the ship as well, so chances are high that Theon’s human will be around the castle somewhere. He only has to find him, seduce him – in the next seven nights, ideally. Which means he better find a way to stay here. 

Thus resolved, Theon turns to the real prince with a jolt, giving him a thorough once-over before switching on the charm. He smiles widely, bowing with a great flourish. The prince smiles, seeming delighted. 

“Welcome, er…” The prince rubs the back of his neck. “Is it true that you can’t talk?” 

Theon grimaces, nodding sadly. 

“Oh. I mean, no problem. Thank you,” the prince adds, looking at the two men. “I’ll see to our guest myself.” 

They both bow before they leave them alone. Theon looks at the prince, curious as to what exactly he wants to see to. Theon himself would never dream to attend to any of Father’s guests. That’s what servants are for. For a few moments they just stand there, staring at each other, before the prince clears his throat, smiling even wider. 

“My name is Robb,” he says. “At least I don’t have to tell you not to call me Your Highness the whole time. So, what happened to you?” 

He seems to be expecting some sort of answer, so Theon decides to try the pantomimic approach again. He positions himself as if he were standing on deck of a ship, steering wheel in hand. Then he looks at the sky worriedly, starts to sway and stumble from side to side to indicate strong winds and huge waves hitting the ship. Finally he opens his mouth in a silent scream as he jumps off the imaginary ship, followed by a dramatic portrayal of a man drowning. At the great finish, Theon pretends to drag himself onto the beach with his last energy, trying to look as exhausted as he can. 

“Are you... dancing a shipwreck?” Robb the prince asks dryly, cocking one eyebrow. “I have to say, I’m impressed.” 

Theon rolls his eyes at that, but nods in confirmation. At least, Robb understands what he wants to tell him. 

“I wonder where you are from. You look… different. The good kind of different.” Robb grins. “So, mysterious stranger. Are you hungry? Thirsty? You must be tired.” 

Theon just wants to indicate no when his stomach growls, embarrassingly loud. _Well, damn._ The prince laughs when Theon nods sheepishly. 

“Alright, let’s get you something to eat, and then I’ll show you to one of the guest rooms.” 

_It’s strange,_ Theon muses as he follows Robb out of the gardens and through a nondescript side door. He hadn’t realized how tired he actually is. Something to eat sounds divine, too, but most of all he just wants to get rid of those pesky clothes, maybe do some more training for his cock, then go to sleep. They land in a warm room with a flock of female humans inside, who all start to flutter around excitedly when the prince enters. Theon doesn’t really see what they’re doing, his eyes are starting to droop, but in no time at all he’s got a bowl of some liquid with bits in it before him, steaming ominously. 

_What in the seven seas is this?_ Theon asks silently, pointing at the dish. 

“Beef broth,” Robb answers. “Try it, it’s good!” 

Theon frowns at the bowl, then at the silvery item placed to his right. It seems to be some kind of cutlery, but not one he’s ever seen. Down below they have knives, but nothing like this. Gingerly, Theon takes the object in hand, gripping it at what must be the handle. He’s all too aware of a good dozen pairs of eyes on him. Suddenly the item is plucked out of his hand, and when Theon looks up he sees the prince holding it. 

“Don’t you have soup where you’re from? You look like you’ve never seen a spoon before.” He _tsks_ when Theon shakes his head. “There, like this.” 

Theon watches closely as Robb dips the _spoon_ into the _soup_ before bringing it to his mouth. Okay, he can do this. Theon waves for the spoon and gives it a try. It works very well, but when the soup touches his mouth Theon flinches violently, dropping the spoon in the process. _This fucking stuff is hot!_ he mouths accusingly at the prince – who looks as if he’s about to burst into laughter. When no answer is forthcoming, Theon snorts, taking up the spoon again. Strange creatures, those humans… whichever one of them thought eating hot food would be a good idea? But after a few sips, Theon has to admit that the effect is quite nice. His stomach calms down the more he eats, and it feels good when the warm liquid runs down his throat. Finally the bowl is empty and Theon sets the spoon down, looking at Robb expectantly. 

“Finished?” Robb asks, and upon Theon’s nod he gets to his feet. “I know it’s not that late, but after what you’ve been through you might want to rest.” 

They walk through endless corridors, but by now Theon feels even more tired, and he isn’t paying attention to where they’re going or to what Robb is saying. Finally, Robb stops in front of one of the many doors lining the corridor they’re in. 

“The Blue Room,” he explains. “I hope you like it. If you need anything, ring the bell above the door.” He shuffles his feet, clears his throat. “Get some rest. Tomorrow I’m busy with supplications, but how about we take dinner together? I’d like to find out more about you. Until then you can do whatever you wish. My castle is your castle.” 

_Thank you,_ Theon mouths, suddenly overcome by a surge of gratefulness. This is quite an extraordinary prince, who takes in random strangers, feeds them and puts them up for the night. 

“It’s nothing, really. Sleep well,” Robb says before he opens the door for Theon. “See you tomorrow then.” 

He waits until Theon has walked into the room and closes the door. Theon is alone. Looking around, he whistles silently. No wonder this is called the Blue Room. The walls are adorned with a deep-blue paper and the plushy floor is a shade of grey-blue. Theon bends over to take off the horrible shoes, sinking his toes – that’s what humans call them – into the velvety material. It feels good on his aching feet, so good that he wants to lay down on it. And then he looks up and sees the bed. It’s huge, loaded with squishy, clothed pillows and another large, soft thing that he hasn’t seen before. Theon only hesitates for a moment before he hurries to undress, jumping face-first into the bed. 

It’s _incredible._ The most comfortable Theon has ever been, and in moments he’s huddled deep under the large thing, head buried in the pillows. Tomorrow he’s going to look for his human, is the last conscious thought before he’s fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Robb. Oh he's such a sweet puppy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning on Wednesday! Hope you're doing good! 
> 
> Today: Theon searches for his human and spends time with the most laissez-faire prince the world has ever seen.

The next day starts with a large bowl of a brown, mushy mixture, delivered to Theon’s room by a pretty human girl. To Theon’s chagrin she doesn’t linger, so instead he concentrates on his breakfast. Which is warm again, of a peculiar texture, but nonetheless quite delicious. After he’s done, Theon slips into his clothes and, grudgingly, inside the shoes, before he spends nearly half an hour trying to force his hair into an agreeable shape. He has a lot to do, a whole castle to search. One night has already gone past, leaving six to find his human if he doesn’t want to fuck some random person or end up as Euron’s thrall. A terrible thought, and Theon quickly leaves his room to distract himself. 

He searches all day. High and low, in every unlocked room the castle has to offer, from the kitchens to the dungeons – which contain a very angry, very handsome blond man who seems to mistake Theon for a guard and immediately starts screaming abuse at him. At long last, Theon finds himself in what he suspects to be the throne room. Not that there’s a proper throne, only a slightly elevated chair. Robb is sitting on the chair as Theon enters, gravely listening to an old man stammering something about burglars. Theon gives a small wave as Robb looks up, receiving a wink in return. He mingles with the crowd of people still waiting to be heard by the prince, letting his gaze sweep over the assembled humans. 

There are many, some of which Theon thinks he might have seen on the ship together with his human, but no sign of the man himself. Sighing frustratedly, Theon walks outside, across a wide yard. There are more buildings, and Theon enters one at random – only to recoil in horror when a dozen land horses begin neighing at once. They seem to be very dangerous animals, rolling their eyes and stamping their feet; the one closest to Theon even rises in its box. A quick glance around shows him that there aren’t any humans in here, and Theon leaves the building as fast as he can without actually running. 

“Good gods, what have you done to spook the horses so bad?” 

Theon swivels around, relaxing when he sees it’s one of the men who brought him here yesterday, the thin one. He waves hello, shrugging to answer the man’s question. 

“His Highness said he’ll be taking a lunch break in about half an hour,” the man says. “He asks if you want to join him in the gardens, by the pond.” 

Pond? Theon’s ears prick up at the word; he nods enthusiastically. A pond means water. He misses water, even if it’s only been a day.

“I’ll take you there. My name is Hal, by the way. What’s yours?” 

Theon gives Hal an unimpressed look. 

“Oh, right, I forgot.” Hal grins. “Well, we gotta call you _something_ , eh? How about Alec?” 

Theon vehemently shakes his head at that, and at every other name Hal proposes. They all sound stupid, not fitting him at all. He follows Hal through the gardens, past the headless topi-something and into a different part. Theon holds his breath when he sees water glittering in the sun; it’s all he can do not to leap straight in. Hal instructs him to wait there before he leaves, and Theon doesn’t even wait for the man to be out of sight before he gets his shoes off and sits at the edge of the pond, holding his aching feet into the deliciously cool water. 

It’s heavenly. So much so that Theon doesn’t notice the prince until he slumps down next to him in the grass, bumping his shoulder and nearly startling Theon out of his skin.

“Hello again,” Robb says merrily, holding out something Theon assumes to be food. “Did you sleep well?” 

Theon nods as he bites into the food. This time it isn’t hot, and it tastes pretty good. The thing consists of two slices of a soft material, and between those are green plant leaves, a thick yellow goo and two pale pink slices of what Theon suspects to be meat. Theon takes another bite, jerking his head at Robb questioningly.

“What? Oh, thanks, I always sleep well.” Robb, already done with his food, leans back onto his arms, squinting at the bright blue sky. “It’s quite warm today, isn’t it?” 

Theon nods again. To him it’s always warm up on the surface, but the sun is out and Robb’s face has reddened, so it’s probably hot even in human terms. And then Theon nearly topples over and into the pond when suddenly Robb sits up, pulling his shirt over his head and letting it fall into the grass. Theon stares at his flat stomach, at the light dusting of hair on his firm chest. 

_Congratulations, buddy,_ he thinks appreciatively. _You’ve just made it to the top of my alternative-humans-to-fuck list._

Robb doesn’t say anything else but just slumps back into the grass, hands folded behind his neck as he watches the few clouds wander across the sky. Theon’s not sure what to do now. This very much feels like an offer, one he’s seriously contemplating to take. There’s absolutely no sign of his human, and this seems like the perfect opportunity to put the cock to test. He shakes his head, folding his hands in his lap as the cock stirs to life. He can’t give up so fast, this is only his second day. 

“Hey, do you have a name?” Robb asks, interrupting Theon’s musings. “I mean, obviously you have a name. Maybe I can guess it?” 

_Not you, too,_ Theon groans inwardly. _I swear if you present me with something like_ Engelbert, _I’ll drown you in this fucking pond!_

“Alright, let’s see…you’re obviously not from here, so it’ll be something exotic. Cyprian?” Robb laughs at Theon’s disgusted grimace. “Sorry, sorry. Hm… Iskander? Seraphin? Arcimboldo?” 

Theon snorts, chuckling soundlessly. Holy urchin, where does Robb even get those names from? 

“Oh, I know! Harald!” 

_I’ll give you Harald,_ Theon thinks, bending forward and dunking his hand into the water, flinging a handful at Robb, and another.

“Would you _stop_?” Robb laughs, scrambling out of reach. “I ought to call you Splash. Stop shaking your head at me, mate, you asked for it!” 

A blaring horn has Robb look up; he sighs and gets to his feet, casually slinging his shirt over his shoulder. “The call of duty,” he says, sounding regretful. “See you at dinner, Splash.” 

_My name isn’t Splash!_ Theon silently shouts after him, but he’s grinning all the same. 

“That’s not the one you were looking for.” 

Theon swivels around at the familiar voice, unable to believe his eyes when he sees Wex sitting on the grass a few inches away. The little crab looks utterly exhausted, and with a hot surge of guilt Theon remembers his hasty departure the day before. 

_Oh fuck, I’m sorry, Wex, I’m so sorry!_ Theon scoops him up in his hands, stroking Wex’ shell with two fingers. _I’m such an idiot, I totally forgot – did you make it here all on your own? The whole way from the beach?_

“I can’t understand you when you have no voice, you moron,” Wex mutters tiredly. “But I guess it’s some sort of half-assed apology for leaving me behind, am I right?” 

Well, not half-assed, Theon really means it. He puts on his most earnest look, placing a hand on his heart to emphasize his honest apology before he gets to his feet and, Wex still in hand, makes his way out of the gardens and back to the castle. Back in his room, Theon places Wex on one of his pillows. 

“That’s pretty cozy,” Wex says, turning around once before settling down. “Alright, you’re forgiven.” He yawns heartily. “So, where’s your human then?” 

Theon shrugs, making a sad face. 

“Oh well,” Wex says, yawning again. “Just give me a few moments to rest my legs and then… we’ll…” 

A loud snore follows, and Wex is fast asleep. Theon shakes his head, smiling to himself. That must be the most loyal crab on earth. He spends the rest of the afternoon training the cock, and when it’s time for dinner Theon feels exhausted, and satisfied. He’s already able to last a lot longer. On the other hand, he’s a little sore now, since cocks unfortunately lack the self-lubrication that tentacles come with. Theon wonders how humans circumnavigate this particular problem, but before he can come to a logical solution, a knock on his door has him hastily tuck the cock away. 

It’s his friend Hal, grinning widely as he shoves a bundle of fabric into Theon’s arms. 

“His Highness sends you a change of clothes,” he says, wagging his eyebrows. “You must’ve made quite the impression.” 

Theon nods his thanks, curiously unfolding the bundle. Another pair of trousers, softer than the ones he’s wearing. A thin shirt in a dark blue colour, embroidered at the hem with silver shapes. Theon hums soundlessly as he pulls his old shirt off. He just wants to open his trousers when a huff has him look up. Hal is watching him with a frown. 

“Have you no decency, man? At least wait until I’m out before you – I’ve seen enough of you already.” He shakes his head. “And you may want to wash yourself before you put on your new clothes.” 

Wash? Theon frowns questioningly, earning a sigh in return. Hal walks over to a little table Theon hasn’t given much attention to yet, indicating a large bowl, a jug and a square piece of something Theon doesn’t know. 

“Soap,” Hal says slowly. “Water. Wash yourself.” 

And with that he shakes his head once more, flinging the door shut as he leaves Theon alone. Theon walks over to the table, peering into the bowl. A sponge is lying in it, and the jug is filled with water. Theon lifts it, pouring the water into the bowl and soaking the sponge. That’s what his human had been doing on the ship. But what in the seven seas is _soap_ supposed to be? Theon gathers the square item into his hand, sniffing it suspiciously. It smells really good. 

Experimentally, Theon dips it into the water, yelping silently when it instantly becomes slippery and shoots out of his hands. He spends the next minutes chasing the soap in the bowl before he finally manages to grasp it firmly. When he lifts it out of the water, suds have started to lather his hands, just like the plants his kind use for their hair. Theon rubs the soap over his arm, producing more suds. It feels quite nice actually, and before long he’s got the knack of it. Soap, sponge, water, and repeat. Finally there’s no inch of skin he hasn’t scrubbed, and Theon slips inside the new clothes. They are far more comfortable than the other ones, fitting perfectly. No tweaking, no itching. 

Theon throws Wex a last glance, making sure that he’s still sleeping tightly before he goes to find the prince for dinner. 

It’s a rather informal affair, just Theon and Robb and an abundance of hot food as well as cold. Theon tries a little of everything until he thinks he’s going to burst. Human food is turning out to be one of the best things up on the surface, second only to training one’s cock. Robb chit-chats about this and that during dinner, sometimes even filling in Theon’s silences, getting better at interpreting his huffs and grimaces. When they’re both done eating, Robb leans back, grinning like the catfish that got the eggs. 

“I had an idea,” he says. “A rather simple idea – I wonder why no one has thought of it before.” 

He waves at a servant waiting nearby, who promptly delivers a stack of paper and something called a pencil, if Theon remembers correctly, placing everything in front of them with a bow. Theon looks down at the paper, then at Robb. He’s looking back with an expectant smile. What in the seas can he want? Theon tilts his head, frowning questioningly.

“What are you waiting for?” Robb asks. “Write your name. Or do you want me to continue calling you Splash?” 

Theon sighs, shaking his head. Of course, writing. They have a problem there. While learning to speak Human had been fairly easy, Theon hadn’t bothered to learn their script as well. When would he ever need it? Well, now he would, of fucking course. He looks up at Robb, shrugging apologetically. It is a good idea, but – and then Theon smiles, taking the pencil. Drawing should be a pretty universal thing, and he’s good at it. Meticulously, tongue between his lips, Theon draws the first thing coming into his mind. A long face, dark eyes, full lips, and a cloud of fluffy dark curls. Theon looks down on his work, sceptically chewing his bottom lip. It doesn’t really look like his human, but that’s as close as he’ll get. 

“What are you drawing there?” Robb cranes his neck to see the paper. “Oh! That’s – is that _Jon_?” 

Jon? Is that his name? Theon quickly sketches a ship, the one he’s seen his human on.

“Oh hey, my ship!” Robb exclaims. “I don’t have it anymore, it sank during the last storm.”

 _Does that mean he was on the ship?_ Theon thinks, pointedly stabbing his finger at the portrait. _Who is he then?_

“That really looks like Jon,” Robb says. “He’s my brother. He was on the ship when it went down, but he made it to the beach.”

 _YES!_ Theon nods, making a great show of looking around searchingly. _And where might he be?_

“He’s off on an errand for me,” Robb correctly interprets Theon’s gestures. “He ought to return on the morrow.” He sighs, giving Theon a lopsided smile. “So it’s Jon you’re after?” 

Theon nods, feeling a pang of regret. This prince is really kind, and handsome; he seems to be the best sort of human. It would be nice to get to know him better, to become friends. But there isn’t enough time. Tomorrow his human – Jon – will come back, Theon will do what he’s here to do – and then he’ll go home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next on Kraken Prince: the right human finally shows his pretty face! Will Theon be able to seduce him? Find out next Wednesday! 
> 
> *advertisments starting*


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dears,
> 
> my sincerest apologies for the delay. First, there was the robblem (new word. definition: a problem caused by Robb) what with him being so sweet and perfect and available that even I wanted Theon to shag him. But that would've completely destroyed the storyline. 
> 
> And then, once I had a vague idea how to solve the problem, Vienna decided it's time for 38 degree weather, and I stop functioning around 25. 
> 
> Ah, all lame excuses I know. But! Here's the chapter, and I hope you like how I decided to deal with the robblem.

There’s a huge commotion going on when Theon walks out into the castle yard early the next morning, and he slows his steps as he lets his gaze sweep over the assembled men running around, carrying bags and live animals. And then, suddenly, _he_ is there, emerging from behind a massive land horse, and Theon stops in his tracks, staring at his human as if seeing him for the first time. The dark hair is tied back again this time and the human’s face is pale underneath the golden skin, deep circles under his eyes. He looks to be utterly exhausted, and yet… Theon swallows. So beautiful, despite the tiredness etched into his features. Theon lets his gaze wander down, an image before his eyes of when he’d seen that body without a shred covering it, making him shudder. 

He watches him greedily, as his human – _Jon_ – talks to some of the other men, seemingly giving orders, pointing at one of the buildings, then at a wooden transportation device of sorts before he suddenly turns his head, just a little, and their eyes meet. Theon stands very still, doesn’t dare to look away. At first Jon seems puzzled, a hint of apprehension in his gaze – and then his eyes widen ever so slightly, the deep brown Theon dreamed of turning almost black as something like recognition washes over Jon’s face. He slowly raises a hand, two fingers touching his mouth, and Theon shivers as he recalls the feeling of those lips on his. 

The man beside Jon, one Theon has seen around the castle yesterday, stops talking, curiously following Jon’s gaze. Theon can’t hear what they are saying, but Jon seems to be asking the man about him. The answer has a curious effect on Jon – his brows knit together and his mouth turns into a weary frown as he gives Theon another look, and this time there’s a completely different expression in his eyes, one Theon can’t decipher at all. He waits, for what he doesn’t know himself. For Jon to look at him again, maybe. He doesn’t, and Theon watches as Jon continues to coordinate the unpacking of the goods him and his men had brought with them. 

What is wrong? Theon can’t understand it. Jon had seemed to remember him, and the look in his eyes… all gone, all changed the moment that man had told Jon… _something_. Theon wonders what it was, what could have made Jon react like he did. Suddenly a loud bark startles him out of his thoughts, and before Theon is able to identify the source – do they keep seals in the castle? – he’s already attacked by something very big and very furry, with enough force to destroy Theon’s balance, making him rudely land on his arse.

“Ghost! Get _off_ of him, stupid dog!” 

The voice shouting those words is deep and husky, but Theon doesn’t get a chance to see who it belongs to before the _dog_ comes at him again, this time to slobber all over his face while emitting excited little yaps. Theon’s already on the brink of suffocating when the beast stops all of a sudden, giving Theon a chance to catch his breath. 

“I’m sorry, are you alright? I have no idea what’s gotten into him, he’s a lot more quiet normally.” 

_Maybe I smell like seafood to him,_ Theon thinks sourly as he picks himself off the ground. He dusts off his clothes, looking for tears or stains, when suddenly he realizes who it is talking to him, whose voice he hears for the first time. Jon’s cheeks are slightly reddened, a hint of defiance in his gaze. 

“You’re Robb’s new… friend.” 

It’s not a question, and not entirely what Theon would have called it, but it’s easier to nod than to silently perform, _He’s a very nice human and I’d like to be friends with him, but there’s no time for that because I actually waited for you to finally know what it feels like to fuck someone with a cock._ That, and he’s thoroughly distracted by the downward curve of Jon’s mouth, still looking soft and plump and–

“I heard Robb had a new – I didn’t know it was you. I’m sorry for staring at you before.” Jon turns his head away, somehow managing to look even more tired than before. “It’s not – I mistook you for someone else.” A short glance, his cheeks turning redder. “Sorry about the dog. If you’ll excuse me…”

And with that he turns and walks away without another look. Theon stares after him, despair starting to rise in his chest. Something has gone wrong, but what? 

In the end there’s no use lingering around in the slowly emptying yard, so Theon slinks back to his room, feeling thoroughly out of spirits. That’s not how he thought it’d go. It’d be the work of a moment, he’d thought, Jon would take one look at him, would be totally overwhelmed by Theon’s frankly gorgeous appearance, Theon would smile and that’d seal the deal. Take him to his room, undress him, slowly, savouring every moment… Instead he’s coming back alone, greeted by the sight of Wex merrily splashing around in the wash basin. He stops when he sees Theon walking in, raising both eyes expectantly. 

“You’re already back? Wasn’t he there?” 

Theon nods, then pulls his face into what he hopes resembles Jon’s dark expression before he tries to mutely convey what had happened. His acting skills must’ve gotten better, because Wex seems to understand most of it.

“Huh,” he says thoughtfully when Theon is done. “I wouldn’t worry if I were you. It’s early days… you should try again tomorrow. He’s tired, you said, maybe if you let him have a decent rest he’ll be more amenable.” 

Perhaps Wex is right, but something about the change in Jon’s manner still seems off to Theon. He wishes he could go and find that man to ask him what he said to Jon. What he told him about Theon. Whatever it was, it must’ve caused the sudden moodswing. Theon tries to think about what someone could say to _him_ that’d stop him from going after his conquest of the time being and, unsurprisingly, the answer is: nothing. Alright, he’d probably nope out if someone told him his intended fuck is fertile at the moment, but anything else… 

Theon sighs, going over to fish Wex out of the basin. He needs room to wash his face, or he’ll reek of dog slobber all day. He’s just dunked his head into the bowl when a knock has him jolt upright, wet strands of hair whipping into his face and spraying the room with water. Spluttering, Theon goes to open the door, prepared to murderously glare at whoever dares to disturb him now, but when he sees who it is, his anger deflates. Robb’s grin is slipping a little when he walks past Theon into the room, settling down on the bed. 

“Am I in trouble?” he asks, crossing his legs. “I didn’t do anything. I think.” 

With a sigh, Theon shakes his head. He must look really miserable, for Robb’s face immediately takes on a worried expression. 

“What’s wrong, Splash?” he asks. “Haven’t found Jon yet? I thought you went out in the morning… he’s gone to take a nap, I fear. Has been riding all night to get back early. Not that that would’ve been necessary, but that’s Jon for you…” 

He pauses, the worried little frown between his brows deepening. 

“Aw, come on, cheer up, mate! I bet he’ll be up again in no time, and then you can do whatever it is you want from him. As long as that’s something Jon wants too,” he adds sternly, and somehow that’s all it takes to make Theon lose it. 

He slumps down next to Robb, burying his face in his hands as he tries to get himself together again. Five nights left, and his pretty human doesn’t seem to want him. A warm hand settles between his shoulder blades and Theon sighs, looking up at Robb with dry, stinging eyes. 

_He doesn’t want me, I think,_ he mouths, slowly, blatantly overdoing the words in the hope that Robb will understand. 

“The pheasant monster… no, that can’t be right.” Robb frowns, focusing his gaze on Theon’s mouth. “Try again?” 

_He,_ Theon mouths, pointing at the door, _does not_ , he waves his hand dismissively, _want,_ a crude gesture that has Robb’s face flush hotly, _me,_ Theon finishes, sadly pointing at himself. 

“Oh. Oh dear.” Robb chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “If that is what you want from Jon… have you even properly met him before?” 

Theon shakes his head, shadowing his eyes as if watching something from afar.

“Good gods.” Robb snorts inelegantly. “You picked the wrong guy for a casual fuck, mate. Jon – he’s not – I mean – not everyone is ready to just, ah… _take in…_ a random stranger.”

 _You did._ Theon accusingly pokes his finger into Robb’s chest. _You would totally let me…_ He makes the gesture again.

“Aye, but I’m not Jon,” Robb grins. “I’m horny and bored and you’re very good-looking, and I very much intend to enjoy myself before they marry me off to some random princess for the sake of peace, or a few more acres of land, or a strategically important bridge, or whatever my ministers deem adequate. Jon on the other hand…” 

Robb heaves a deep sigh, sympathetically rubbing Theon’s back. 

“He’s kind of… saving himself? For the love of his life? Not that he’s found anything like that so far, he’s terribly shy. Always said he wouldn’t have sex before he’s married. He’s missing out, if you ask me.” 

_And what,_ Theon mouths, shrugging dejectedly, _should I do now?_

“Well, you could always change your plans and have it off with someone who actually is into casual fucking.” Robb winks, grinning when Theon gives him a stern glare. “You’re no fun. Well, the only other possibility: you could try to seduce Jon. Woo him, romance him. Maybe he’ll change his mind? Hey, can I ask you something?” Upon Theon’s nod Robb narrows his eyes. “Why Jon? I mean, I know he’s pretty, but so are others.” 

That’s not all there is to it, Theon can admit that much. He’s definitely, utterly, disgustingly smitten. Not that he’d ever say it out loud, but he can’t deny his heart is beating faster whenever he thinks of Jon. Robb is still looking at him expectantly, so Theon places a hand over his heart, doing his best to look earnest and solemn.

“Good. Try your luck then.” Robb slings his arm around Theon’s shoulder, speaking into his ear. “But don’t even think of screwing Jon over… your handsome face won’t stop me from having your head if you hurt as much as a single hair on his head. Understood?”

Theon turns his head at that, only to find Robb’s face very near, and now there’s no laughter in the bright blue eyes. He loves his brother very much, that much is obvious. And somehow, it makes Theon like Robb even more. 

_Understood,_ he mouths. _And, Robb?_ Theon leans forward, his lips lightly grazing Robb’s. _Next time I fall for a human, I’ll see that it’s you._

“I didn’t get that last bit,” Robb says, looking slightly dazed. “Something about cumin?” 

Theon grins, shakes his head. _Nevermind,_ he mouths, and, _thank you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Questions? 
> 
> Next chapter is almost finished, so there shouldn't be anything standing in the way of a punctual update next Wednesday! Pinkie promise.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello folx! 
> 
> Wednesday, and yay I'm punctual!  
> Dunno what it is but atm I'm totally out of it/spirits/inspiration/etc. -.- 
> 
> Chapter is unbeta'd, I hope it isn't glaringly obvious lol

After giving Theon a lot of tips and tricks how to win his brother’s heart, Robb had vanished with the promise of sending another change of clothes for Theon to wear at tonight’s dinner – where Jon’ll be present. Once the door has fallen shut and the coast is clear, Wex emerges from under the bed, thoughtfully staring at the locked door. 

“You would’ve saved us all a lot of trouble if you’d just fallen for that one,” he says, clicking his pincers. “But noooo, of course Prince Theon has to pick the celibate human.” 

_I didn’t do it on purpose._ Theon crosses his arms before his chest, scowling down on the floor. _And we’ll see how celibate he really is once I release the immense power of my charm._

“And how do you plan on doing that? Your flailing and fidgeting when you try to say something is funny to look at, but I wouldn’t call it sexy or charming.” Wex snorts, using Theon’s trousers to pull himself up into his lap. “Not that I’m not looking forward to you trying to dance your usual spiel. Oh!” Wex exclaims in a weak parody of Theon’s best seductive drawl, “your skin is the fairest I have ever seen, my lady. Tell me, do you come here often?” 

_I don’t talk like that at all,_ Theon grouses silently, whacking Wex over the shell. _I’ll figure it out as I go, okay?_

He’ll just do what he always does. Smile, let his eyes speak, be as attentive as possible. Maybe tomorrow he could see what the human equivalent for an anemone bouquet is. Or maybe he can talk Robb into giving a ball. Dancing is always a good excuse to get in close contact. When Theon walks to dinner that night, Wex hidden in the pocket of a brand-new, silver-grey tunic, he’s brimming with determination. Unfortunately, the moment he enters the small, intimate dining room Robb prefers to use and sees Jon already there, all of Theon’s grand plans fly out the window. 

He’s just so fucking pretty. Now that he’s rested and the dark circles beneath his eyes have vanished it’s even more obvious than before. Theon can’t stop staring at him, not for one minute during the whole dinner. And Jon seems to notice, he grows quieter and quieter, his cheeks glowing, but for some indiscernible reason his gaze darkens the longer the dinner lasts. Even Robb seems to take note. He’d formally introduced them before the first course had been served (“Splash - my brother Jon, Jon - Splash.”), and he’s been making a valiant effort to keep a conversation going, but finally he gives up with a sigh. 

“Are you still tired, Jon?” he asks worriedly. “Maybe some fresh air would do you good. Hey,” Robb adds with a wink in Theon’s direction, “you could show Splash our private shortcut to the beach, take a turn or two. It’s going to be a lovely night, the moon is almost full.” 

Theon wants to hug him. This is such a nice gesture. But before he can do anything of the sort, Jon suddenly leans over to Robb, his pretty face like a thundercloud as he whispers furiously. At first Robb looks thoroughly baffled, but suddenly he breaks out in laughter, boxing Jon’s arm before he whispers something back. And whatever it is he’s telling him, it has the most curious effect on Jon: His cheeks grow impossibly hotter, almost maroon-coloured, his eyes flitting to Theon and back to Robb, confused and somehow… almost sheepish. 

“I’m sorry, Splash,” Robb wheezes, wiping a tear from his eyes. “A little misunderstanding…” 

Theon shakes his head, smiling confusedly. Whatever that was just now, it has completely altered Jon’s expression. His face is softer, and every other moment he gives Theon a short glance from beneath his lashes, only to blush again furiously when their eyes meet. 

“So, would you like that, Splash? A moonlit walk on the beach with Jon?” 

Theon throws Robb a half-grateful, half-exasperated look. Really, can he be any more obvious? And Theon really wishes he’d stop with the Splash thing. But Jon is watching him, so Theon nods, smiling his most charming smile, earning himself another quick upward glance, and the hint of an answering smile. 

“I don’t think he likes that name,” Jon says to Robb, raising one eyebrow. 

“He splashed me,” Robb explains, only to hastily add, “with water!”, when Jon frowns confusedly. “And since he can neither talk nor write, there’s little chance to ever find out his real name.”

After dessert Robb excuses himself suspiciously quickly, and for a long moment Theon and Jon sit in awkward silence before Jon finally clears his throat. 

“So, do you want to? Take that walk, I mean.” 

Theon nods, heart beating faster as Jon gets to his feet, giving Theon one of his shy glances. 

“Come, then.” 

Jon leads Theon out of the castle and through the gardens, onto a narrow path leading towards the sea. They walk in silence, side by side, the only light coming from the almost full moon above them, and soon Theon can see the sea glittering ahead of them. He quickens his steps, the longing for his home suddenly taking over. He can hear Jon calling after him, but right now there’s the sea, and nothing else. Theon only stops when he’s reached the waterline, crouching down and holding his hands into the shallow waves. It feels heavenly on his skin, and for just a moment Theon wants nothing more than take off his human clothes and dive into the warm water. 

“Hey?” 

Theon turns his head, beckoning Jon to come closer. Jon comes slowly, his eyes on Theon, not the sea. He stops an arm’s length away, opens his mouth as if to say something, but just then a splashing sound has Theon turn his head back to the sea, just in time to see something – someone – vanish behind the rock in the water. She kept her promise then, his horrible, nosy, wonderful sister. A shimmer in the water draws Theon’s gaze, and with the next wave he can reach out and pluck the seashell out of the water. It’s beautiful, flawlessly formed and with a delicate pink colouring the inside. A gift from home.

“My mother always said that when you hold a seashell to your ear, you can hear the waves.” 

Theon looks up at Jon, chuckling silently at his dreamy face. Humans are funny creatures, really. Of course you can hear the waves in a seashell, they tend to come close to the sea where you can hear the waves anyway. But to humour Jon, Theon lifts the shell to his ear – and almost drops it when Asha’s voice starts speaking. 

_“Don’t come into the water. Father has half the kingdom looking for you. I’ll keep you updated if I can.”_

Theon lets the shell sink, a strange feeling tugging at his guts. He gets to his feet, giving Jon an apologetic smile before he reaches back, throwing the shell as far into the sea as he can. He should’ve known this would happen, that Father wouldn’t just let him be. But the thought that he can’t go into the water at all before he’s ready to go home forever, ready to leave the world up here behind – it hurts. 

“Are you alright?” 

Jon’s voice is soft, his face lit by the moon, more beautiful than the prettiest seashell. Five more nights, including this one. Theon smiles, takes a step closer to Jon. He better make use of the time he has left. Jon is watching Theon’s slow approach, eyes wide and dark, but when Theon is right before him he casts his gaze down. 

“I’m sorry for all the staring, it’s just–” Jon breaks off, bites his lip. “This seems so strange, but – have I met you before?” 

Theon contemplates this for a moment. He’s reasonably sure Jon has seen his face two times; once on the ship when he’d watched Jon through the porthole, and on the beach. Would it be in Theon’s favour if Jon recognized him as the pervy peeping tom? But that’d also mean he’ll recognize Theon as the one who saved him from drowning. Would Jon question how Theon had done both of those things? Appearing in the middle of a ship’s hull, hovering outside a porthole… it’s not something humans are able to do. Maybe it’s better to be on the safe side, let him think it was in a dream or a vision where they met. It gives their meeting now a nice flavour of fairy tales, of fate. 

“I think I may have,” Jon continues when Theon doesn’t respond. “I think I’ve been dreaming of you.” He gives Theon a short glance before looking back at the sea. “Who are you? Why are you here?” 

Slowly, Theon reaches out, touching Jon’s chest with his fingertips. _I’m here for you_ , he thinks as he tilts his head, trying to convey his meaning. Jon looks down on Theon’s hand, his cheeks reddening slightly. When he looks back up Theon holds his breath, for now Jon is smiling. 

“I wish I knew your name,” he says. “Splash just doesn’t sound right to me.” 

_That’s because it isn’t._ Theon shrugs. _But I honestly don’t know how I can – OW!_

It’s very peculiar, not being able to yell out in pain when something hard and pointy hits him in the back, and Theon swivels around, staring at the rock and the tentacle just vanishing beneath the waves. What in the seven seas was that for?? 

“Another shell,” Jon says, and before Theon can stop him he’s already picked it up and holds it to his ear. “My mother was right,” he says with a small smile, “I can hear the – what in–” 

Theon groans inwardly as Jon’s eyes grow wide, his mouth falling open as he listens to the shell. Fabulous. Fucking fabulous! Really, what is Ash even thinking? Theon scans the waterline for a trace of her, finding none. 

“I can hear – there’s something else,” Jon says, sounding utterly bewildered. “As if a whisper has been trapped inside this – I can’t – Theon?” 

Theon’s gaze snaps to him, he can’t believe his ears. Jon is looking at the shell in his hand, mystified.

“Theon,” he says again, slowly, the word sounding alien and exciting from his lips. “I have no idea what that means.” 

Theon takes Jon’s hand, the one not holding the shell. _That’s my name,_ he mouths, unable to hide his excitement. He takes another step closer looking down at Jon insistently. _Theon,_ he forms, lifting Jon’s hand and bringing it to his chest. 

“You – Theon? Jon tilts his head, his throat working as he swallows nervously. “Is that – that’s your name?” 

Upon Theon’s nod he smiles, not the shy little smile, nor the polite one, but a smile that makes his whole face light up, makes his eyes crinkle at the corners – a smile that makes Theon dizzy with need. 

“Theon,” Jon says again, barely more than a whisper. “It’s a beautiful name.”

 _Not half as beautiful as you,_ Theon thinks when he bends his head and his mouth finds Jon’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KISS!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning on a Wednesday that will be very hot! Srsly I hate summer... anyone living in a place that's cold right now and wants to switch for a month? 😅 
> 
> Anyway, more kissing!

It feels perfect. Jon’s lips are soft and plump and warm, fitting against Theon’s as if they were made just for this, and a part of Theon wishes they could stay like this forever. Unfortunately, after only a few seconds, Jon draws back, eyes cast down, cheeks flaming. 

“That was...” he starts, clearing his throat, when suddenly he tilts his head, frowning at Theon’s mid-section. “Do you – is that a crab in your pocket?” 

_No, that’s just the co– oh!_ Theon smiles, a little embarrassed when he remembers that he indeed has a crab in his pocket. He looks down at the little bulge in the tunic, just in time to see Wex peering out again, eyes dancing curiously. Theon rolls his eyes. _Nosy bastard,_ he scolds silently as he sticks his hand inside the pocket to scoop Wex out, holding him in his hand. 

“It’s – is it _waving_ at me?” Jon’s voice is faint and bewildered as he watches Wex wag his pincer in greeting. “That’s not something you see everyday.” 

_He’s not an everyday crab._ Theon shrugs, bending to set Wex down onto the sand before he straightens, gazing at Jon expectantly. _Now where were we?_

“I don’t – wait,” Jon interjects quickly when Theon wants to take his hands again. “I’m not – don’t get me wrong, the kiss was…” His cheeks colour again. “But I can’t go around kissing complete strangers, you know? I always wanted to meet the right person, the one I want to spend my life with… what?” 

_Kiss?_ Theon mouths, slowly lifting his hand and outlining Jon’s bottom lip with his thumb. _That’s what this is called? Kiss?_ Jon shivers under his touch, eyes falling shut. 

“Oh, to hell with it,” he mutters, and then his hand is on Theon’s neck, drawing him down and against his mouth. 

And _fuck_ if it doesn’t feel just as good as before, if a little more insistent, and at first Theon is very enthusiastic about this – until suddenly Jon’s lips part under his, closing around Theon’s bottom lip. Theon gasps, stiffening when that turns the _kiss_ into something else entirely. Now it’s not only warm but _hot_ , wet in a way that is setting Theon’s nerves aflame. He shudders, his mouth opens in response, almost by itself, Jon groans, just a tiny noise in the back of his throat as his tongue slips into Theon’s mouth. 

It shouldn’t be good, but _seven fucking seas_ it’s the best thing Theon has ever felt. The cock reacts with startling ferocity, hardening so fast Theon can almost feel all the blood in his body rushing down and assembling at one point, making him dizzy and lightheaded. He slings his arms around Jon, consumed by the need to be closer, the need for more contact. And oh, it feels heavenly when the cock rubs against Jon’s hip, so good it’s all Theon can do not to ink himself right then and there. Fortunately, Jon chooses the moment to break away for breath, sparing Theon such embarrassments. 

“I – that – woah,” Jon pants, crimson-coloured and thoroughly out of breath. “That’s – you – I mean–” 

_Less stammering, more kissing,_ Theon thinks impatiently, though he does understand pretty well where Jon is coming from. It is slightly overwhelming, the nearness, the heat, the intimacy, the _taste…_

He huffs, knowing he’d groan if he still had his voice, and before Jon can protest Theon has descended on him again to continue this delicious new pastime. Really, now that he knows what it’s like he wonders why the humans he’d watched over the last few years didn’t do it more often. Theon pushes the thought away, concentrating on the feel of Jon’s mouth on his, and this time he’s ready for the first tentative touch of Jon’s tongue, welcoming it, even responding in kind. 

The _kiss_ turns deeper, slippier, so good it takes all of Theon’s strength not to faint with pleasure. His hands start to move, down Jon’s sides, stroking his flanks before moving back, fitting themselves to the pert roundness of Jon’s arse. It’s a nice feeling, so much so that Theon resolves to leave his hands right there for the foreseeable future. But even with the layers of Jon’s clothes between Theon’s hands and the firm flesh it’s incredibly arousing, and Theon simply needs more. He moves his hands slowly, lets them wander under Jon’s tunic and beneath the waistband of his trousers, silently moaning against Jon’s mouth when his fingers touch warm, naked skin. 

Jon shudders against Theon and, unable to help himself, Theon squeezes the enticing globes, one finger slipping between them, searching… this is the goal, somewhere there must be the place he yearns for, the place he wants to have the cock–

“Seven _hells_!” 

Theon starts, his eyes flying open as his arms are empty all of a sudden. Jon, having wrenched himself out of Theon’s grasp, is standing an arm’s length away, a comical mixture of shock and guilt on his face. 

“What in the – you can’t just–” He breaks off, apparently beyond forming a coherent sentence. “Fucking _hells_ …” 

_I’m – sorry?_

Theon doesn’t quite understand the problem, but something has upset his human, that much is clear. He lifts both hands in what he hopes is a calming gesture, putting on his best apologetic expression as he takes a tentative step, then another. Jon watches him coming closer with a wary expression, his body rigid and stiff and – Theon stops as his gaze drops, drawn by the very visible bulge in Jon’s trousers. _Huh._ Now Theon feels even more confused, furrowing his brows as he stares at the proof that Jon, too, had been enjoying the _kiss._

“Look,” Jon says, sounding relieved that Theon isn’t coming closer. “I don’t mean to be rude, but you can’t seriously expect me to allow… _this…_ from someone I hardly know. I mean, you’re obviously gorgeous and, well, a really good kisser, but I don’t want – _would you stop pointing at me?”_

Theon shakes his head, pointing more insistently at the evidence contradicting Jon’s words. _Either you’re talking sharkshit, or_ you’re _the one with a crab in your pocket,_ he mouths. Slowly he’s starting to feel a little upset. Sure, Robb had said Jon is somewhat particular about mating, but then why would he go and kiss Theon breathless if he doesn’t intend to follow through? Jon crosses his arms before his chest, decidedly ignoring the predicament in his trousers as he glowers at Theon. And somehow, this hurts. Rejection. Not something Theon is used to, not something he anticipated after the way the evening had gone so far. But here it is, and it hurts. 

As nonchalantly as he can, Theon shrugs, turning away from Jon and towards the sea. The moonlight creates beautiful, glittering patterns on the gentle waves, and suddenly Theon longs to follow them, escape this stupid human experiment and all its complications. He sighs, slumping down into the sand. If he’d known how _difficult_ things’d be… A nudge to his leg has Theon look down, at Wex, having quietly scuttled to his side. The little crab is looking sympathetic, the touch of his pincer almost consoling. 

“Hey.” 

The low voice in Theon’s back has Wex duck his eyes. Theon scoops him up in his hands, if only to have something to hold onto as Jon settles down beside him in the sand. For a long while Jon doesn’t speak, just looks out at the black water. Finally he sighs. 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” 

Theon shrugs, keeping his gaze on the waves, his fingers closing around Wex. 

“You weren’t entirely wrong,” Jon continues. “Some part of me certainly wants what you want, I can hardly deny that. But…” He breaks off with another sigh, and now Theon looks over. Jon’s face is soft, his eyes hooded. “I fear there’s so much more that I want.” 

Marriage, Theon remembers Robb’s words. Jon wants to wait until he’s married. It doesn’t make much sense to Theon. 

“What I want isn’t the fleeting pleasure of one night in the arms of a stranger, enticing as the thought might be… with the right stranger.” Jon’s hand edges toward Theon, but he seems to think better of it. “I want more. I want to be – I want everything.” A small, half-bitter smile. “If I do this, then with someone who I love, who loves me, not for an hour, or a night. I want forever.” 

Forever… it’s such a tremendous word, unfathomable. Theon doesn’t like it. He tries to imagine it. Staying. Here, on the surface, with Jon. Never going home again, never feeling the familiar warmth of the water, never again drift with the current. Never again see the amazing shapes and colours of the world beneath the waves, never racing Asha through the deepest waters, never again hearing Smiler’s enthusiastic neighing… The image is painful, and Theon turns his face away from Jon. He needn’t see him like this. 

“I never met someone like you,” Jon says into the silence of Theon’s thoughts. “Turning up here out of thin air, befriending my brother over the course of half an hour – he likes you very much, you know that?” When Theon doesn’t react, Jon chuckles lowly. “I thought you’re his newest paramour. I thought he wants me to babysit you while he’s off doing princely things, entertain you until he’s ready to be – well. I was utterly jealous.” 

At that Theon looks back at Jon’s face, at the soft smile on his lips, the fresh wave of colour in his cheeks. 

“And then he tells me you’re here for me. _You_ tell me you’re here for me.” Jon glances at Theon’s hands, just in time to see Wex peering out between Theon’s fingers. “You never speak, yet you seem to be able to talk to crabs. I hear your name in a seashell. Your eyes–” Jon hesitates, turning his head a little more. “I’ve never seen eyes like yours.” 

Jon’s own eyes are dark, almost black in the moonlight, and there’s more warmth in them than Theon had hoped for after everything. 

“Who are you?” Jon asks softly. “A dream? Your name – I don’t know if it means anything among your kind, but it does have a meaning in my ancestors’ language.”

Theon hardly notices Wex leaving his hand and hurrying to the waterline, transfixed by Jon’s eyes, Jon’s words. 

“It means God. Godly.” Jon swallows, smiles again. His face is very near. “Is that what you are? A god of the sea, coming to shatter my peace, destroy my resolve and everything I held truth with one kiss?” 

Theon closes his eyes as Jon’s mouth touches his, softer this time, languid and yet full of yearning. It’s not the searing pleasure from before, but a deeper, more intense kind of feeling. It sets Theon’s whole body aflame, makes warmth rush through his veins and his heartbeat thunder in his ears. It makes him see what he’d gain in exchange for all he’d leave behind. 

“I think…” Jon’s breath is hot as he whispers against Theon’s mouth. “It seems ridiculous, surreal, but… god or not, I may be half in love with you already.”

A sweet ache in his chest, Theon kisses him once more, just a short, sweet kiss. Jon sighs, getting to his feet. 

“I should see that I get some sleep. Robb will have tasks for me tomorrow…. goodnight, Theon.” 

Theon looks after him for a moment before turning back to the sea. Four more nights after tonight. There is still time, time to do as Jon said, shatter his resolve, change his mind. Seduce him, in any way possible. And then? What then? This wasn’t supposed to be a long-time-arrangement, but somehow the thought of leaving home forever isn’t that painful anymore. Theon imagines it, telling Euron that he doesn’t want to be changed back, telling Ash – Theon shudders, his stomach churning painfully. Leaving Ash behind would be hard. He shakes his head. Four more nights. He doesn’t have to decide now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh... apparently Robb's kingdom is some sort of Greece. Sea gods and the meaning of Theon's name. Jon is uncomfortably close to the truth, isn't he? 
> 
> I want to take this chance to thank you – I've been not good lately and your comments and kudos are really keeping my head in the game. I wish all I ever had to do was write stories to share with you. 
> 
> THANK YOU!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning *yawn* Hope you're all doing ok!! 
> 
> Alright, we're making a little skip ahead. Two nights left, and Theon feels as sure of Jon as can be.

Theon leans back on his arms, closing his eyes as he holds his face into the watery sun. His feet are dangling into the pond, feeling good in the cool water, and even though it’s not sea water it’s still better than nothing. He’s waiting for Jon to be done with his daily duties so they can do something together. Two days have gone past since their first kiss, two wonderful evenings spent in Jon’s company. They haven’t done much, only walking around with the dog – still overly enthusiastic about Theon’s smell, taking a carriage ride through the hillsides surrounding the castle, and yesterday Jon had wanted to teach Theon riding – much to the land horses’ dismay. Theon grimaces, rubbing the bruise on his arse he got when the horse had thrown him off. 

And at night... Theon smiles as he recalls yesterday night, when they’d gone down to the beach. Despite being unable to go into the water, Theon doesn’t like to stay away altogether. There hadn’t been a new message from Asha, but Theon has seen glimpses of her behind the rock both evenings. Yesterday night he’d waited for the splash indicating she’d vanished before he’d taken Jon’s face in his hands, continuing where they’d left off the night before. It’s strange, how different Jon is in the dark, on the beach. During the day he doesn’t allow any touch apart from Theon holding his hand, and as nice as that feels, it’s hardly enough.

But once the sun has gone down and they’re sitting in the still warm sand, Jon is the one who starts with the touches. And yesterday night had been the most amazing so far. They’d been kissing for a while when Theon couldn’t hold himself back anymore. His hand had crept to Jon’s neck, under the collar of his shirt, while the other hand had started undoing the laces on the front until the shirt had fallen open, exposing Jon’s shoulder, his collarbone. Theon had bent his head, had kissed a slow path from Jon’s jaw and down his neck, to his shoulder, pushing the shirt further down Jon’s arm. 

Jon had sighed, had made tiny noises in his throat that had Theon’s blood running hotly through his body. He’d leaned forward, gently pushing at Jon until he’d had him on his back in the sand, hovering over him, his hand wandering to the hem of the shirt and beneath, up Jon’s flat stomach and grazing a tiny, stiffened nipple… Theon smiles to himself as he remembers how Jon had gasped, arching into Theon’s touch, how he’d fisted both hands in Theon’s collar to pull him harder against his mouth. One more night and he’ll get into Jon’s trousers, Theon is sure. Two more nights – the last two nights to be exact – and Theon’ll be able to fulfil Euron’s conditions. And then… 

Theon shakes his head, unwilling. He’s not going to think about that, not now. There’ll still be time for that decision once he’s reached his goal. Maybe it won’t be as good as he’d always pictured it, making the decision to leave easier. Maybe _Jon_ won’t like it, and won’t be sad to see Theon leave. And maybe… Theon sighs, sitting up straighter. Maybe it will be so glorious to be with Jon that way that it’ll firmly tip the scale in the other direction. Maybe it’ll feel so perfect Theon won’t ever wish to leave again. There’s no denying it… a very large part of Theon hopes for this last possibility. He’s never been as happy as those last days with Jon. 

“There you are! Hey, where’s Jon?” 

Theon looks up at Robb’s voice, shadowing his eyes against the light. _I thought Jon’s doing stuff for you?_ he mouths, accompanying the silent words with a few gestures. 

“Nah, I told him to leave that for the men. Actually, I’ve been telling him that since he came back.” Robb lowers himself into the grass, tugging his legs under him. “But you know, duty is Jon’s middle name. Not even someone like you can stop him from doing what he thinks is right. That said…” 

Robb leans forward, plucking a blade of grass. He carefully arranges it between his thumbs before he brings his thus folded hands to his mouth, blowing against the blade and producing a sound that reminds Theon of a deranged whale. 

“He may not be neglecting his duties, but he sure is neglecting his brother.” Robb produces another doleful noise before he grins cheekily. “Good thing I’ve been occupied with the new blacksmith. Have you seen him? Dark hair, very blue eyes, built like a brickhouse… no? Anyway, speaking of being occupied – any new developments?” 

Theon shakes his head, unable to repress an envious sigh. Robb makes it all seem so easy… 

“Eh, you have time.” Robb shrugs, not noticing Theon flinching at that. “He’s already so in love with you, I’m sure it won’t be long now before he lets you – you know. The way he looks at you…” 

Theon tilts his head, lifting his eyebrows questioningly. Jon hasn’t said anything about love since that first night, when he’d said he was on his way to being in love. Theon smiles at the warm glow growing in his chest. That’s definitely something he wants to hear more about. Fortunately, Robb interprets Theon’s look correctly. 

“I’ve never seen him like this before. He’s been humming this morning. Humming!” Robb smiles. “He’s head over heels. You’ll tell me in time, yeah? So I can give a big ball to announce your engagement?” 

_Engage–_

Theon swallows nervously, quickly plastering a wide grin on his face. Robb is waiting for some sort of an answer, still smiling in his easy-going way. What on earth – Theon thinks feverishly, trying to find something generic to get Robb off his case, but he comes up empty-handed. They haven’t talked about this at all, him and Jon. Jon hasn’t said a single word, nothing to indicate that his thoughts are going in this direction. It’s a shock to realize Robb is expecting… _this._ But he’s still waiting, and there’s only one thing Theon can do now – he nods. It’s not even a lie, just... Robb mustn’t know that there’s a high chance he’ll be waiting forever for Theon to tell him such a thing. 

No matter what Theon decides… marriage isn’t something he ever wanted, ever thought of as desirable. The word is almost as scary as forever. Theon sighs, looking down on his hand – and for just a tiny moment he can see it, a ring sitting on his finger, reflecting the sunlight… Theon blinks, and the image dissolves. He shifts, crossing his legs to conceal the shiver running down his spine. Even if he’d want to stay with Jon, even if he’d love him – Theon freezes, pressing a hand to his heart. It had given a painful jolt just now, when he’d thought… 

Theon gasps, his other hand joining the first on his chest, trying to keep his furiously beating heart from jumping out. Jon when he smiles at Theon’s antics, when he holds out his hand to help Theon up when he’s fallen. The shivers running all over his skin aren’t cold anymore, they’re warm. Jon’s hand in his, his eyes so warm and full of… Theon’s stomach is doing a funny thing, as if he’d swallowed a swarm of minnows. Love. Jon’s eyes, full of love. There’s no if anymore, not in regard to his feelings. 

“Are you okay, Splash?” Robb asks, immediately correcting himself. “Sorry, _Theon._ You look as if you just had a stroke.” 

Not a _stroke_ , whatever that is. Theon carefully inhales. More like an epiphany. He turns to Robb, looking at him with wide eyes as he taps his chest before placing his hand over his heart again. _I love Jon_ , he mouths. _How the fuck did that happen?_ All he’d wanted was to fuck the prettiest human he’d ever seen. And yes, maybe he’s been a tad smitten with Jon from the moment he opened his eyes, and of course he enjoys Jon’s company, especially when they do the kissing, but–

 _I’m in love with Jon,_ Theon groans silently, slumping forward and burying his face in his hands. _Ash will kill me dead._

“Please don’t tell me you didn’t know,” Robb snorts, having gotten the gist of Theon’s little freak-out. “The way _you_ look at _him_ – you’re even more obvious than Jon.” He grins, nudging Theon’s leg. “You’d be humming too if you could.” 

_Whatever,_ Theon thinks, still thoroughly dazed. He’s not sure what in the seven seas he should do now. He loves Jon. But he also loves his home, his family – one of them at least. Slowly, Theon gets to his feet. He needs to be alone. He needs to think. With a little wave in Robb’s direction Theon turns to the path that leads out of the castle grounds and to the sea, and it’s only when he can see the waves glittering in the sunlight, Theon starts to feel calmer. His home. When he reaches the waterline, Theon sits down into the sand, legs outstretched. They’re not bad, sturdy and carrying him wherever he wants to go on land – but they’re not tentacles.

Theon blinks, realizing he hadn’t, not even for a second through all those days, thought about his real form. Now he does, remembering how skilled his arms had been, how strong. Here he’s just a weak human like the rest of them. Theon casts off his shoes, wiggling his toes. Funny little things. He likes them. And of course there’s always the cock, something he likes a lot. So far he only knows the pleasures of his own hands, but just the thought of Jon touching it is enough to make it stiffen, to make pleasure course through Theon’s whole body. He’d never felt that way with the tentacles. Maybe because all his adventures with them had been brief, a quick in-and-out at the most. Nothing like Asha’s crude tales, or Euron’s even cruder innuendos. 

Theon tries to picture it, how it’d feel to have Jon like this instead of the human way he’d imagined so many times. It’s a senseless exercise, he’s aware of that. If Jon would ever see Theon’s real form he’d run away screaming bloody murder. But now that he’s started on this path, Theon finds it impossible to stop. Jon appears before his eyes, naked like he’d seen him in the ship’s cabin. But now his eyes are closed, his lips parted invitingly, his arms and legs trapped by four tentacles while another is wrapped around his waist, his torso, and another one… Theon moans silently as he imagines how he’d let it creep between Jon’s legs, grazing his cock and ink sac, slipping between his cheeks and _inside_ –

“I get the feeling I don’t want to know where you are in your head right now.” 

Theon almost jumps out of his skin at the familiar voice, his eyes flying open to glare at his sister as he guiltily removes his hand from his trousers and the straining cock. 

_What the everloving fuck are you doing here?_ he gesticulates grumpily. 

“Looking out for you, what do you think?” Ash rolls her eyes as she leans forward on her elbows, her body gently swaying in the shallow waves. “I waited ages for you to come here alone.” 

_I’ve been… busy._

“I gathered that,” Ash grouses, before she heaves a long sigh. “Go on, tell me. I promise I’ll _try_ not to rip your head off.” 

Tell her? Theon frowns, not sure what she means with that. 

“I’ve been expecting it,” Ash continues when Theon doesn’t react. “Ever since I saw you two together for the first time. I hoped I was wrong, but…” She smiles, and somehow, for once her smile looks sad instead of mocking. “I’ll miss you, baby brother.” 

And then Theon understands. He wants to tell her that he hasn’t decided yet, that he’s not sure if his love for Jon can be enough to overrule his love for the sea. Theon looks at her, at her own tentacles, strong and beautiful. Does he miss being like this? Yes. He tries to picture it, going back home, breathing the water again, swimming with the fish… without Jon. As enticing as the thought had been to be with Jon in Theon’s true form, it’s impossible. He can’t have both. He’d have to leave Jon forever. 

“Just – just say it,” Asha says forcefully, and now the smile has vanished, her face is grim.

 _I’m going to stay,_ Theon mouths, gestures, just to try out how it feels, spelling it out. It feels right, and before he can help it Theon’s mouth turns into a smile. _I want to stay with Jon._

“I know,” Asha mutters, and if Theon didn’t know better he’d think there are tears in her eyes, but then she’s smiling again, a hard smile. “Father will have a heart attack.” 

_I’m counting on that._ Theon smiles back at her. _Hey, sis? I’m going to need a ring._

“Of course when he finally gets married it has to be a human,” Asha mutters under her breath before she sighs. “I figured. Already sent the blabbermouth and the nutty horse to go find one. They’ve been scoring wrecks all day.” 

_You’re the best,_ Theon thinks, and then he’s leaping forward, pulling his sister into a crushing embrace. _I love you, Ash,_ he thinks, and maybe he thinks loud enough for her to hear it. 

“Alright, you daft bugger, get off of me!” Her words are as harsh as ever, but for one moment she returns the hug before she whacks Theon over the head with a tentacle. “Well,” Asha says, a little flustered when she’s freed herself. “How are you going to tell Euron? He won’t like that at all.” 

_I couldn’t care less what the crazy old witch likes or not,_ Theon mouths, waving a dismissive hand. _I’m not going to tell him anything. I’ll fuck Jon, as per the deal, get my voice back and then I’ll just not drink whatever disgusting concoction he’s got to turn me back._

“I hope you’re right and it’s really that easy,” Ash mutters dubiously. “He’s a cunning son of a moray.”

A loud bark has them both look towards the path to the castle. _You better go now,_ Theon gestures. _I think that’s Jon coming down with his beast._

“I’ll meet you here tomorrow with the ring,” Ash says before turning and flinging herself into the waves. 

Theon watches her vanish with a smile, before he turns just in time to leap out of Ghost’s way. The dog seems even madder than usual, whining and yelping, taking the hem of Theon’s shirt between his teeth and tugging insistently. He’s behaving a little like Smiler when he’s done something he’s proud of, only Ghost seems not happy but… agitated? He tugs again at Theon’s shirt, growling under his breath before he leaps a few bounds away, turning around and yelping again. 

_You want me to come?_ Theon waves his hand in the direction of the castle. _What’s going on there – wait, where is Jon?_

The thought hits hard, and Theon curses silently as he takes off towards the castle. Something must be wrong with Jon if the dog goes all the way to the beach to fetch _Theon_ of all people, especially when there’s a whole castle full. Theon hastens his steps, almost running, following Ghost up the path and past the pond and the topi-somethings, through the gardens and into the castle. A few female humans jump at the dog’s and his sudden appearance in the food room, but Theon doesn’t pay them any mind. He races up a flight of stairs, hard on Ghost’s heels, when suddenly the dog stops in front of the wide double doors leading to Robb’s private rooms. Theon already has his hand on the door when suddenly he hears a voice. 

“...finally found what I’ve been looking for for so long. Nothing you’ll say will dissuade me, Robb.” 

It’s Jon’s voice, and Theon pauses, confused. Jon seems to be alright, there’s no peril evident in his words that explains the dog’s little whines. Robb’s voice is too low for Theon to make out the words, but when Jon speaks again he can hear him loud and clear, and this time Theon catches something strange in Jon’s voice. 

“I insist on this. Tomorrow we’ll hold the wedding, then take one of the ships for a honeymoon turn – if that’s alright with you.” 

Theon’s heart starts to beat faster at those words. It seems Jon is a step ahead of him already. Maybe he’s the one who will ask the crucial question, and Theon would smile – if there wasn’t this strange new tone to Jon’s voice: flat, dispassionate despite the meaning of the words, almost as if he’s reciting something… Ghost suddenly growls, startling Theon. 

“Of course, dear boy, whatever you wish for.” 

It’s not Jon’s voice, nor Robb’s. It’s a voice Theon is all too familiar with, having heard it last just a few days ago, whispering in his ear, laughing, taunting. Feeling as if the world has come to a stop, Theon slowly pushes at the door, cracking it open just enough to see. There’s Jon, standing opposite of Robb, and next to Jon stands a tall man with shoulder-length dark hair, his back to Theon, one arm possessively around Jon’s waist. Theon must’ve made a noise, for the man suddenly turns his head, a wide grin spreading on his face. 

“Hello, little Theon,” Euron says with a wink, and the world collapses. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah well, down the drain it goes. 
> 
> I decided to NOT do the Euron-uses-Theon's-voice thing, for one because Jon has never heard Theon speaking, and two because I have a very specific sound for Euron's in my head that just doesn't fit with any Theon-voice :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say... I'm a mess, dear folks. I dropped my phone on some tiles, and unfortunately the tiles won and there went my only way to write. How I ever managed with my tiny old phone is beyond me. WELL, the phone came back repaired this morning and wouldn't you know, the chapter wouldn't work, no matter what I tried, until I tried this:

Humans are ridiculous. Their weak bodies, their inability to breathe the water of the seas… Humans are ridiculous, and he loathes the necessity to resemble them. But the end justifies the means, and the look on his nephew’s face when he sees him more than makes up for the fact that he’s forced to wear the form he so despises… his nephew’s face and the human Theon wanted so badly he gave up his own strength, his own true form. One can see why this particular human would catch the eye of every sentient creature, with his golden skin and his deep, dark eyes. He’s beautiful – for a human. Almost beautiful enough to… no. Nothing justifies what Theon has done. 

Euron smiles as he sees Theon shake his head to the prince’s question, as he listens to Jon, giving him an explanation. 

“I told my love about Theon. And now I will tell Theon about my love. If you’ll excuse us...” 

The joke of a human prince doesn’t look convinced, his worried gaze flitting between Theon and Jon, but finally he nods, if reluctantly. 

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” he says. 

“Euron is my only love,” Jon answers mechanically, making Euron smile wider. 

Such a good boy! And so, so easy to persuade, so easy to sway… It hadn’t even needed the potion Euron had prepared to bring this human’s mind under his power. He’d never tried it before, not with a human, and the simplicity of the human mind had been something of a surprise. One deep look into those dark brown eyes, a few simple spells and tricks, and this weak little creature had spilled all his secrets and hopes. There’s no doubt about it, the human loves little Theon. Or he had, until Euron had taught him better. 

It’s a fun game, Euron thinks as he snaps his fingers for Jon to follow him outside, with Theon trailing behind them. He looks the part, Euron’s little nephew, with his dumb expression and his clumsy stumbling… nay, it must be the shock. Euron can allow this much. In the water Theon is quite graceful, could almost be of interest if he wasn’t so weak. Weaker than his brothers certainly – the only reason he’s still alive. Euron hadn’t seen the need to kill this last, feeble son of his brother. The girl on the other hand… Euron shakes his head. His niece will have to wait. First he’ll have some fun. 

“It’s so good to see you, nephew,” Euron says in a conversational tone when they have reached Jon’s private rooms. “Humanity seems to agree with you. How’s that cock of yours coming along?” 

Theon gesticulates angrily, at Euron, at Jon. 

“Oh, I’ve been watching you for some time, dear boy.” Euron sighs heavily, sinking into an admittedly comfortable chair. “But won’t you sit down for such a conversation? Sit,” he says to the human, chuckling when Jon immediately obeys. “You’ve come a little close to your goal for my liking, Theon.” Euron slowly shakes his head. “I can’t let you win this easily, can I?” 

_Win?_

Theon mouths the word, a hint of confusion mixing with the anger on his face. 

“Our little agreement… I decided to change a detail, just a tiny one.” Euron smiles, tilting his head. “To fulfill your side of the bargain, you’re going to have to fuck _this_ human, not any human.” 

Theon’s eyes widen, shock and rage plain in them. It’s delicious. He gesticulates again, his lips moving fast. 

“Of course I can change the rules,” Euron says indulgently. “My game, my rules… or do you want lovely Jon to pay the price for your disobedience?” 

All it takes is a whispered word, a wave of Euron’s hand, and before poor Theon has time to react the human has drawn his dagger, settling the tip against his own chest, right above his heart. Euron doesn’t look to see if his orders are being followed, his gaze is on Theon, on his face. It’s too funny, the shock, the wide mouth opened in a silent scream… this really is getting better and better, Euron thinks gleefully. Theon seems to care for the human more than he let on, more than for just a pretty face and a nice tight hole to fuck. But just _how much_ does he care? 

“Tell you what, dear boy,” Euron says jovially, stretching out the ghastly _legs_ humans use to move around. “I’ll give you a chance, aye? Do it now. Here. He may be a little absent…” Euron raises his eyebrows, grins. “But I’ll guarantee you he won’t object. Do it now, Theon,” he adds when Theon doesn’t react, just staring at Euron. “Take him now and I’ll consider our deal done. You get your voice back…” Euron touches the seashell fastened to a thin braid made of his own hair, hanging around his neck. “And I’ll let lovely Jon here wake up, no harm done. He won’t remember a thing. And we can go home, the best of friends once again. How does that sound, nephew?” 

Euron leans back with an indulgent smile. Theon seems to be thinking hard, one can almost see his thoughts twirling in his head, and for a moment Euron wonders if his nephew has heard the lie in his words. Of course Euron doesn’t have any intention whatsoever of letting Jon off the hook so easily, no matter on what Theon decides. Jon is too tempting, too pretty to pass on. He’ll make a fine distraction, for a while. Sadly, humans never last long when Euron decides to play with one of them once in a while. They either drown when he forgets to perform the necessary spell, or they drown later, once he’s done with them, has fucked them with everything he has. Not one has ever stayed conscious for long during the fun. Humans are weak. 

Theon’s face hardens, his shoulders straightening, and Euron sits up in anticipation. Now that his little nephew has made up his mind, he’ll turn to the human, take him, and that’ll be the end of this particular game. Not that it matters. There will be other, more important games, and Theon is just a pawn. Euron smiles at his nephew, waiting for him to act – and Theon shakes his head. For a moment Euron thinks he must’ve confused something, but Theon shakes his head again, his hands making a firm gesture of refusal. It’s a surprise – a lovely surprise, and Euron feels his mouth widen in an excited smile. This is a new game, an even better one! He watches Theon gesticulate, watches his mouth moving, forming words of disgust. Euron laughs, delighted. 

“That I live to see this day! My nephew, little Theon, in love! With a human!” Euron cocks an eyebrow. “Your father will be so proud.” 

Theon shrugs, gesticulating again. The meaning of it is clear. _I will not have Jon against his will._

“Eh, not so hasty,” Euron says placatingly. “Tell you what. I’ll give you your last two nights to think about it. Or no, let us say sunset on the second night. On a ship, maybe. Gives it a little more drama, the sinking sun, Jon in _my_ arms… oh yes, little Theon, you heard that right,” Euron murmurs. “If you don’t take him I will.” 

The idea is starting to take shape in Euron’s mind, filling him with glee. 

“Of course I’m going to do right by him, I’m not a monster. He wants to be married to his true love, doesn’t he? I’ll grant him that wish. And then… then I will take him. First in this body, then with my true form, again and again until I rip him into pieces. You’ll like that, won’t you?” Euron smiles. “Won’t you, Jon?”

“Yes,” Jon says blankly. “I love you, my lord. I am yours.” 

Theon’s face is a picture of horror and disgust, his mouth a grimace and his eyes… Euron blinks, curiously watching as a drop of liquid runs down Theon’s cheek, catching in the corner of his mouth. 

“You’re so like them,” he says, contempt plain in his voice. “Crying over a human, really, Theon… No wonder your father sees you as a disappointment.” 

To Euron’s delight Theon flinches when he gets to his feet, when he steps up to him, taking his chin in hand. 

“Tomorrow at sunset, my boy,” Euron whispers. “You’ll be there to witness our union, and everything that comes after.” 

And with that he leans forward and drags his tongue along the path of the tear. It tastes like salt, and pain. Yes, Euron thinks as Theon shivers in disgust, he’ll take Jon on land first. Maybe he’ll cry too. His tears will taste even sweeter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope you're not put off by the sudden POV change. Euron is always a true delight to write, my darling madman ❤️ 
> 
> I apologize for the delay, and I solemnly swear I'll handle my phone like a raw egg from now on!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, look at me being punctual 😅 
> 
> Hope you are all doing ok!

“Will you – slow down, Splash, I can’t – what’s gotten into you?” 

Theon doesn’t really listen to Robb’s drowsy protest, simply keeping his hand in an iron grip as he pulls him along the path. He’d gone from Jon’s chambers straight to Robb’s, knocking until Robb had opened the door, apparently having gone to bed early. Theon hadn’t even attempted to give any explanation, had simply grabbed Robb’s hand and dragged him out. He only stops when they have reached the beach, where Theon lets go and steps up to the waterline, scanning the waves. 

“Listen, man,” Robb says, coming to stand next to Theon. “I understand that this is hard for you, and believe me I have no idea what in the seven hells is wrong with Jon…” He sighs, placing a hand on Theon’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he says sympathetically. “But it’s Jon’s decision, and you can’t… force him to… good gracious gods…” 

Robb’s last words are nothing but an awed whisper, his gaze is trained on the water, and Theon can’t help a lopsided smile as his sister slowly surfaces a few feet away, first only her head, her eyes narrowing suspiciously when she sees the human next to Theon. Impatiently, he waves at her to come closer, making a dismissive gesture to show her that Robb is no threat. For a moment it looks as if Asha is about to bail, but then she rolls her eyes and swims towards them, slowly rising from the waves until she’s in shallow water. 

“Woah,” Robb makes, his eyes as big as saucers. “I’m dreaming, right? I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that giant piece of cheese before going to bed.” 

“Holy mackerel,” Ash mutters, giving Robb an appalled gaze before she turns her eyes on Theon. “What is the meaning of this, brother? This isn’t the one you wanted this for!” 

She lifts a tentacle, making Robb flinch violently, but Theon ignores him, stepping out to pluck Wex from where he’s holding on to Ash. He’s staring at Robb, too, with both eyes, and in his other pincer he’s carrying a small golden something that he drops into Theon’s palm. 

“What’s going on, Theon?” Wex asks worriedly. “Why is the prince here? Where is your human?” 

Theon shakes his head, grimacing at Asha. _Euron,_ he mouths, gesticulating in the direction of the castle. _He changed the rules. He has Jon._

“Fuck,” Asha spits, slapping her hand against her forehead. “Should’ve known it won’t be so easy. You moron,” she hisses at Theon. “This is all your own fault, making pacts with someone like him!” 

“Er,” Robb says, still staring at Ash as if he’s doubting his eyes. “What – I mean – who–” 

“Do you have any weapons hidden in your… your _wraps?_ ” 

Robb looks down on himself, on the nightgown he’s wearing, before he looks back up and shakes his head at Asha’s question. 

“Good. I’m watching you, human,” she continues, pointing a tentacle at him. 

“Robb,” Robb says, manners winning out over his bewilderment. “I’m pleased to meet you, Lady…?” 

“My name is Asha,” she says stiffly. “And I reckon you already know my brother Theon.” 

“ _Brother?”_ Robb asks, completely taken aback. “But he’s – you’re – he doesn’t have – oh dear gods,” he finishes weakly, slumping onto the wet sand with a dizzy expression.

 _Please, you explain,_ Theon wearily gestures at Asha before he carefully settles down too, a couple feet away from Robb in case he should be disgusted with who – what – Theon really is. Not that Robb is looking at Ash in a disgusted way, he seems more fascinated than anything. 

“Theon traded his tentacles for a – for legs,” Asha says to Robb, giving Theon a pointed glare. “All because he fell for that dark-haired human.” 

“Jon,” Robb says, listening intently. “My brother.” 

“Whatever.” Asha sighs. “And our uncle Euron, the one who helped Theon get that – legs – well, he’s an evil bastard and apparently he’s taken a liking to this Jon creature as well or something of the sort,” she translates Theon’s agitated gesticulating. “He wants to marry the human tomorrow at sunset, and should Theon – what was that?” Asha blinks, aghast, when Theon repeats his last gesture. “That damn sea bitch… he gives Theon two choices: fuck the human while he’s under Euron’s spell – or Euron’ll fuck him. And that won’t be pretty.”

“I won’t pretend I understand a single word you’re saying,” Robb says slowly. “But Jon – he’s under a spell? That’d explain his strange behaviour. That Euron… is he really so dangerous?” 

Theon and Asha nod in unison, even Wex’ eyes are dancing in affirmation, and Robb throws the little crab a dubious look before he sighs. 

“Alright. How do we stop this Euron?” 

They talk until it’s pitch dark, only the light of the half-full moon shining down on the beach. Theon doesn’t contribute much to Ash and Robb’s planning. His thoughts are with Jon, hoping fervently that Euron won’t do anything before the deadline has even arrived. He wouldn’t put it beyond him. Wex has dropped into Theon’s lap, leaving the golden thing behind in his palm. It’s a ring, plain, not too thick, and Theon’s fingers close around it, as if having it vanish from sight would make the fact disappear that Jon will never wear it. 

“I say we let them,” Asha says, and Theon looks up at her curiously. She looks back, shrugging. “I can be of more help when they’re on a ship. Theon…” She sighs. “You ought to go to Father, ask him for help. I think he might be persuaded if you promise him to be a good boy after. You know, marry, reproduce… forget the surface.” 

_And never see Jon again._ The thought hurts so much, but then, so what? If it means Jon’d be safe… 

“Think about it,” Asha says. “The trident is still more powerful than any of Euron’s tricks. With Father’s help we could break the spell, get your voice back and return you home. Where you belong,” she adds insistently. “And your human will live his life, safe and – what in the _seven seas_ are you doing?” she suddenly hisses. 

Robb coughs sheepishly as he pulls his hand back from one of her tentacles, his face bright red. 

“Sorry,” he mutters. “I was just curious how it feels.” 

Ash only harrumphs, giving Robb a hard look before she turns back to Theon. 

“I’m going to see him right away.” Ash starts to retreat into deeper water until she’s floating on the surface instead of perching on the sand. “Let Euron believe that you’re still contemplating his conditions, go with them on the ship. You,” she says to Wex, “you find out where he keeps my brother’s voice. Ask around his lair, I’m sure someone has seen something.” 

“And what do I do?” Robb asks breathlessly, staring at Ash with wide eyes. 

“You,” she says waspishly, “see that there’s nothing stopping your brother from boarding that ship on the morrow. When the time comes you could help by distracting Euron. And,” Asha adds, “you’ll keep your hands off my arms if you don’t want them where you wouldn’t want them.” 

“Wouldn’t I,” Robb mutters, but he does fold his hands in his lap, giving her a wide grin. “You can count on me, Lady Asha. It’s been a pleasure to meet you.” 

Asha just rolls her eyes as she lets herself fall backward into the waves, and a whipping tangle of black limbs is the last thing they see before she’s disappeared. For a moment Theon looks out at the sea, when a soft pinch to his stomach has him drop his gaze to the crab in his lap. 

_You don’t have to,_ Theon mouths, waving a dismissive hand. _I don’t – my voice isn’t that important. You don’t have to go if you’re scared._

“Scared of what?” Wex pulls an impressive sneer, for a crab. “Euron’s not there, nothing to be scared of. I’ll poke around the neighbourhood a little. There’s that old barracuda, you know the one, always spying on the neighbours… maybe he’s seen something.” 

_Be careful, alright?_ Theon thinks, and then he does something he’s never done before: he lifts Wex to his face, bumping the little crab with his nose. _I’ll kill you if you get yourself killed._

“Woah, dude...” 

Wex sniffs conspicuously before he climbs onto the sand, hurriedly scuttling into the sea and out of sight. For a long moment it’s completely silent apart from the murmur of the waves, but finally Robb clears his throat. 

“So… tentacles, huh?” 

_Sorry,_ Theon thinks, pulling an apologetic grimace. _I couldn’t tell you._

“It’s alright, man. I wouldn’t have believed it anyway if I hadn’t seen _her…”_ Robb looks out at the black water, sighing a little. “Still not sure this isn’t a dream, but then I probably wouldn’t have sand in my arse if it were a dream.” 

Theon eyes the sand-crusted hem of Robb’s nightgown, giving Robb a lopsided smile that makes him chuckle. Robb continues to baffle Theon, first with his incredible nonchalant attitude to random strangers showing up, and now this revelation doesn’t seem to bother him either. 

_You really don’t mind?_ Theon mouths, waving a hand at his lower half before wiggling his fingers in a tentacly way. 

“You know, I’ve always thought there’s something more out there,” Robb muses. nodding at the sea. “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a mermaid once. Are they real too?” he asks, cocking his head at Theon.

 _Unfortunately, yes._ Theon grimaces disapprovingly. _Nasty creatures._

“Oh, I don’t know, man…” Robb sighs dreamily. “The one I saw was quite something. Long hair the colour of the moon, huge dark eyes and that long, scaly tale…” Robb shrugs. “Never thought of tentacles, though. I wonder…” 

He sighs again, clapping his thighs so suddenly Theon starts. 

“Alright, squid-boy… let’s go and start preparing this sham of a wedding. And see that this Euron person keeps his big paws off my brother.” 

Slowly, Theon gets up. He looks down on the ring he’s still clutching. He should throw it back into the sea, where it came from. But then he hesitates, slipping it into his pocket. He’ll keep it. No matter the way this all ends, he’ll still have the ring as a memento of his love for his human. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robb is something, huh? Next up: a wedding and a few shenanigans
> 
> Edit 11. September  
> Guys, I don't know what to say. I'm having a hard time producing content atm, writing doesn't want to happen and I'm panicking with trying to get a new chapter out to you. I fear I need to take a break. I absolutely hate myself for having to do this, for leaving the story hanging just when the action gets going. I'm very sorry and I hope so much you're not mad at me. Please please don't think I'm abandoning the story – or Greysnow for that matter. I WILL finish this, come hell or high water. After next week I finally am off work for three weeks and I very much hope to get the rest of the chapters down and out to you soon. Again, I'm very sorry :(


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Er... hi? I know it's been a (long, LONG) while... I don't know what happened to me, I honestly have no idea. All I know is that suddenly writing was impossible. It's not entirely over yet, I'm trying to get back on my feet. 
> 
> Please take my sincere apologies for the wait and the next chapter - I don't have the slightest idea if it's okay, really.

The sea is grey and restless today, almost as if meaning to resemble Theon’s mood. He’s leaning against the railing, away from the other wedding guests, listlessly staring at the water, searching the waves for a trace of his sister. He knows it’s not much use, there’s nothing she can do after Father, unsurprisingly, refused to help his disobedient son. _Tell him he chose his fate. He is not welcome in my realm anymore._ Asha had been furious as she’d delivered those words, hissing expletives that would’ve made some of those fancy castle folk faint, had they heard her. 

Not welcome anymore… Theon swallows at the thought. His home… everything he’s ever known… out of reach. Forever. The irony is almost too much to bear. There he’d been, willing to give it all up to be with Jon – and being with Jon is out of the question. There are only two possibilities left: play Euron’s game, do what he demands – fuck Jon. Fuck him without his consent, take away that first time he’d been saving himself for. He’d hate Theon for it, rightfully so. The other possibility is too horrifying to even think of: leaving Jon to Euron. Theon shudders, feeling nauseous at the mere thought. It’d mean Jon’s death. Even if Euron didn’t kill him… there wouldn’t be anything left of the Jon Theon loves. 

Theon lets his gaze wander over the waves for one last moment, a last sliver of hope that dies when the sea remains dark and empty. The decision isn’t that hard. It’s already made. Theon straightens, squaring his shoulders as he turns around, ready to do what he has to. 

There aren’t many people on the ship besides the crew, only a dozen lords and ladies Theon has seen around the castle, a lot of servants, Robb and his entourage, a priest… and the grooms. Jon looks so handsome in his embroidered clothes, his hair smoothed back from his beautiful face. But his eyes are empty, the lovely brown dull and blank. On his wedding day they should be sparkling with joy, his mouth should be soft and smiling. Theon shakes his head. This isn’t a real wedding. It’s a sham, a stage for Euron’s lust for dramatic performances. 

He’s standing next to Jon, his long hair hanging in a thick braid over his shoulder, his eyes… Theon swallows. Euron’s eyes _are_ sparkling, he’s grinning widely as he talks to the priest, his hand moving from Jon’s hip to his behind. Appalled, Theon watches him fondle Jon’s buttocks – when suddenly he starts as he sees movement a few inches below. Theon reflexively clamps a hand over his mouth to prevent a cry he can’t make as he realizes what he’s seeing: Wex, Theon’s tiny, scaredy-crab pet, is slowly but determinedly climbing up Jon’s trousers. 

Theon quickly looks up to see if anyone else has noticed Wex, but Euron is too busy pawing Jon. None of the other guests seem aware – except Robb. He’s staring directly at Wex before he looks up, his gaze briefly meeting Theon’s before going back. Wex has reached Euron’s hand, and Theon holds his breath as the little crab reaches out towards Euron’s sleeve, this is dangerous, Euron will feel the tug–

“Well, I _have_ to say you do make a dashing groom!” Robb suddenly yells, leaping forward and patting Euron’s shoulder. “This colour suits you _so_ _well_!”

Theon can’t help a small smile at the look on Euron’s face – utter confusion and a hint of suspicion. Robb babbles on, tugging here and patting there at Euron’s clothes – giving Wex enough time to claw his way up Euron’s doublet without him noticing. What in the seven seas is he doing? And then everything goes very fast. Wex leaps, his pincers snap at Euron’s neck and Euron cries out, grabbing at nothing but air as Wex catapults himself through the air towards Theon, something dangling from his pincer. 

“Oh no, you–” Euron yells, diving after Wex only to trip over Robb’s strategically placed foot. 

Theon kneels down and Wex hurries into his hands, tugging a seashell on a string behind him.

“It’s in here! It’s in here!” 

Theon scoops Wex up, throwing him back into the safety of the sea, Euron looks up, horror on his face, a scream ripping from him as Theon lifts his foot and stomps on the shell with all his might. He can feel it breaking under his heel, can feel something hard beneath it. He steps on it harder, until it gives and a sudden glow sweeps over the ship, blinding Theon. Smoke billows from under his foot and he can’t breathe, swallowing compulsively, it burns his throat, and Theon screams. 

“You fool!” Euron is back on his feet, his face distorted into a furious grimace. “Do you think this changes anything? You made your choice, little Theon. He’s _mine!_ ”

“You’re right, uncle. I did make my choice.” Theon’s voice sounds raw and faded, hurting his throat with every word. “I’ll do it. I’d do anything rather than leave him to you! You want me to fuck him just for your amusement? I’ll do it. It’s despicable, monstrous, and I know he’ll hate me for it, but I’d rather he hates me than you getting your hands on him. He deserves to have it be someone who at least cares for him!” 

“As if you really care for him.” Euron snorts derisively. “You’re no better than me, all you wanted was to fuck sweet little Jon. Don’t you dare deny it!” 

“I’m not denying it.” Theon takes a step towards his uncle, determined not to back down. “But that was before I loved him.” 

“Theon?” 

The voice from the side has Theon’s head whip around. Jon is standing there, his face a picture of confusion – and so alive. Whatever trance Euron put on him, it seems to have lifted. Jon is trembling, he looks around in bewilderment before his gaze turns back to Theon. 

“Am I dreaming?” 

“Jon!” Theon forgets Euron, forgets everything as he rushes to Jon, taking his cold hands in his. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?” 

“I’m – what is going on? I thought I heard you say…” Jon shudders, swallows. “What is the meaning of this?” 

“It’s not important, love. I’ll explain later. Jon.” Theon lets go of Jon’s hands, taking his face between his palms. “I need to talk to you. I need – _we_ need to – to – I need you to come with me. Now. We can make everything alright again, we just–”

“Too late, nephew!” 

Euron laughs, opening his arms wide. His form shimmers, rearranges itself. Gasps and screams sound around them as his lower body bursts into his true form. Euron catches Theon’s gaze, he winks – and throws himself overboard. 

“Is he gone?” Robb’s voice asks somewhere.

Before he can answer, a sudden pain spears through Theon, his legs seeming to dissolve in wave after wave of agony until his body suddenly explodes, taking on a new, familiar form as the world goes black.

“ _Theon…”_

Jon’s horrified whisper penetrates the slowly ebbing pain, and when Theon comes to he finds himself on the planks, his whole body aching and Jon standing above him, utter shock on his face. Theon looks down at where his legs should be, but they’re gone, as if they never existed. In their stead are eight squirming, tangled tentacles, writhing, horrifying. He lifts his head, desperate, pleading, and Jon stares back at him, something like anguish on his face.

“It wasn’t a dream,” he says slowly. “You – I’ve seen you before. I know you. The day the ship sank… someone saved me. I thought I had seen – I was sure I was delirious. You saved me.” 

“I’m sorry.” Theon hangs his head, unable to bear the look in Jon’s eyes, something he is sure can only be disgust. “I’m so sorry, Jon.” 

“Theon.” A hand on his shoulder has Theon look up. Jon has kneeled down beside him, tentatively sliding his hand from Theon’s shoulder to his neck. “You saved me.”

“Actually, he saved you twice.” Robb has appeared beside them, soberly looking down on them. “This other… _creature…_ Theon saved you from him too.”

“It’s true then? It wasn’t just in my head?” Jon’s face contorts into a pained grimace, his hand falling from Theon’s neck. “I was sure it was a nightmare, you saying those things. About – about taking me instead of – of _him._ ” 

“I’m so sorry,” Theon mutters, again and again. “You must hate me, I know I deserve it for even _considering_ –”

Jon’s hand catches his chin, forcing him to look up. 

“I love you,” Jon says, and then his lips are meeting Theon’s in a hard, urgent kiss. 

Theon gasps against Jon’s mouth, he tilts his head – when suddenly something strong wraps around his waist, ripping him away. Theon fights against the grip of the tentacle holding onto him like a vice, but it’s no use. Jon screams, leaping to his feet, his hand reaching out and failing to grasp Theon’s as he is dragged into the sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you are still around, I'd love to hear from you - how are you all doing? I missed AO3!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Er... hi *waves guiltily*
> 
> Have you given up on me yet? I can't offer any excuses at all. I don't know what it is about this story that twists my brain into tight knots. Everytime I open my docs and see it sitting there, staring at me accusingly, I panic and am unable to write anything at all. I even started to write the kink bingo stuff in another app so I don't have to see the docs (yes I'm going gaga my dear friends).
> 
> ALAS! Here's the next chapter, painfully dragged from my brain - I do very much hope it doesn't disappoint!! Two more chapters and an epilogue left, and I am very determined to finish the story this year!!
> 
> Jon POV - high time the boy gets off his arse!

At first there’d been the fog and nothing else. He’d been vaguely aware of himself walking, talking, everything feeling as if it happened to someone else, pure mechanics. In his head there’d been nothing, as if it had been filled with thick clouds. Jon doesn’t know for how long that state had lasted, how long he’d been absent from himself. But he knows when it had started to lift. He’d heard him talking, the voice waking a faint memory of a dream. 

_I want to see what colour his eyes are._

Had it been a dream? Urgent hands on him, the powerful grip of something strong and muscular, holding him above water, the voice talking to someone else, and a pair of eyes a colour he’d never seen before, changing and shimmering, and then a mouth covering his in the softest kiss. A dream, enticing and warm. It had been gone again in a flash, something dark vanishing in the waves, something out of the realm of myths – a dream. 

He’s not dreaming now. The voice is real, and when the fog lifts Jon sees who it belongs to. And of course it’s _him,_ has always been from the first time he’d laid eyes on him in that courtyard. Jon takes a step, another. He feels confused, unsure. He’s aware he’s on a ship, there are other people, there’s a man with long, black hair, seeming curiously familiar. And there’s Theon, hissing at that man, saying words Jon can’t make sense of – except one. 

“That was before I loved him,” Theon says, his voice rough, yet still the sweetest music, and Jon takes another step, his heart swelling in his chest. 

To hear it like this, after all those days of nothing but thick mists, after Theon’s silences from before… Jon inhales carefully. He’d never thought he’d hear him say it. 

“Theon?”

Things happen too fast for Jon to follow, Theon’s hands holding his, holding his face, saying things Jon doesn’t understand. A laugh behind them, and suddenly there’s this creature, not from a myth but a nightmare, laughing and laughing, and Theon screams, falling, changing, and Jon watches in horror as the man he loves becomes something else, something… familiar. There’s no fear in Jon as he kneels down, as he looks into those unfathomable eyes. They are shimmering with tears, with guilt, and none of it matters to Jon. A god of the sea, a monster from legend – Theon. 

“I love you,” he says and kisses him. 

And then Theon is gone. Dragged into the sea by the real monster, and Jon crashes into the railing, desperately searching the churning waves. He’s gone, just like that. He can’t be gone. Jon’s fingers are moving before he knows it, unbuttoning the heavy doublet he’s wearing, he’s shaking, and then there are other fingers, helping him, Jon looks up at his brother, already in his shirt sleeves, barefooted and grinning. 

“Let’s get your squid boy back, shall we?” 

Jon can only nod, grateful beyond words. It takes only moments before he’s slipped out of the doublet and his heavy boots, before Robb takes his hand, an encouraging smile, a squeeze of sure fingers around Jon’s, a foot on the railing and they leap. The water is ice cold, draping itself over Jon’s face like a wet cloth, ripping his breath from him as they plunge deep. For a moment everything is swirling, up is down and the current is tugging at Jon, the only warmth coming from Robb’s hand clamped around his like an anchor. Jon tries to open his eyes, mouth opening and water streaming in as he tries to suppress a scream at the sting of salt. 

He can’t see anything but darkness, and Jon’s heart sinks. It’s completely hopeless. They have no chance of finding the creature and Theon, not in the vast blackness of what is their home. Jon’s lungs are burning, and now there’s a shimmer coming from somewhere that must be the surface, and Jon tries to swim towards it, but Robb’s hand pulls him back, and before Jon can make sense of it there’s a huge blast of light, something hot running all over his body and through his veins. 

“Took you long enough,” a snarky voice says somewhere and Jon blinks. 

He’s hovering in the water instead of being pulled here and there by the waves, his lungs are no longer in need of air, his eyes have adjusted to the water and Jon flinches when his gaze falls on the figure before him. _Theon,_ is his first thought, but it only takes another look to see that it isn’t Theon but someone looking very, very similar to him, only the female version. Her eight arms are sprawling out beneath her, and in her hands she is carrying something looking like a huge trident.

Confused, Jon turns his head, squinting when he finds Robb softly bobbing up and down next to him, grinning sheepishly. 

“Aye, sorry,” he says, and Jon notices he can hear him loud and clear. “Bit of a change in plan,” Robb continues, jerking his head at Jon. “Your uncle took Theon instead of my brother.”

“Seven bloody seas,” the woman looking like Theon groans, fixing her dark, shimmering eyes on Jon. “I don’t know if you’re worth all the trouble, honestly. Well, at least you came down here, so I guess my brother must mean something to you after all.”

“I’d travel to the seventh hell to get him back.” Jon frowns when she rolls her eyes. “What?”

“Great, another one with a flair for the dramatic,” she says, followed by a heavy sigh. “Are we ready then to rescue my stupid brother?”

“I’m ready,” Jon says, and out of the corner of his eyes he can see Robb nodding. 

“Good.” 

The woman grins, two of her arms shooting out and grabbing them, and the only thing Jon can do not to get sick is close his eyes as he’s propelled through the water at stomach-churning speed. They finally stop at a set of large rocks, and when Jon’s breath has settled he can make out a wreck behind them, softly illuminated by orbs of light floating in the water. 

“Did your father agree to help after all, Lady Asha?” Robb asks behind Jon. 

“Fuck, no,” Lady Asha says with an inelegant snort. “I’ve decided Father is old enough to retire now… and he was in agreement with me after I nicked this here.” She waves the trident, cursing when it shoots a flurry of sparks. “Fuck. Still have to get used to this.”

“So it’s _Queen_ Asha now?” Robb asks, a strange, velvety tone to his voice, and Jon has had it. Without paying them any mind he swims out from behind the rocks and towards the wreck. 

“Jon, wait!”

Jon ignores Robb’s muffled cry, only one thought in his mind: get to Theon. The sunken ship is close now, and Jon can read the word “Silence” on the starboard side of the hull, and from inside, he can hear someone talking.

“We had an agreement, nephew,” a vaguely familiar voice says, and Jon shivers. “You failed to hold up your end of the bargain, and not enough, you thwarted my chance to play with your lovely human. Don’t you agree that this merits some punishment?”

Jon holds his breath but there’s no answer, only a low growl getting louder and then a shrill, high-pitched scream that stops Jon’s heart in his chest. 

“You wanted to be human?” the low voice says gleefully. “Now die a human’s death!”

Another scream, but this time it breaks off with a gargled sound, and Jon lurches forward without thinking. There’s something moving in front of him, and suddenly Theon is there, emerging from a hole in the wreck, Theon in his human form, his legs kicking frantically, a look of utter terror on his face. _He’s drowning,_ Jon realizes, cold fear gripping his heart and he reaches out towards Theon when a dark shape descends from the wreck, a delighted laugh echoing in Jon’s ear, something thick and inescapable wrapping around his leg and pulling him away. 

“Too late, little human,” the voice from before purrs in Jon’s ear, and the last he sees is Theon, wrapped in a beam of light coming from the rocks, tentacles erupting from his body, and the world goes black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might wonder if I've gone off my rockers completely, but I have a request of you: I wanted to write a nice, fluffy christmas fic as a calendar this year, but I have, with a heavy heart, realized that I won't be able to. What I want to do instead is something similar to the kink bingo: short stories! 
> 
> I'm asking you to give me your prompts and requests. Funny ones, fluffy ones, sexy ones, cracky ones, christmassy ones, wintery ones, smutty ones... give me all the things you'd like a little ficlet of! Greysnow, obviously, and while a little angst is always fine I'd like to keep this Christmas heavy-angst-free (for angst please reread last years 🙈)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. Ha. Hello. I'm. *cough*  
> This next bit got a little... whimsical? It just came out like this and I'm still a bit dazed...

Theon breathes the water in deeply, greedily, feeling the oxygen filling his lungs. The pain from another transformation in such a short time hasn’t stopped yet, waves of it still running through his body, into every arm and into his fingertips, making it hard to hold himself upright. Everything is blurred, sparks flashing before his eyes and his vision going black every other moment, but what he sees in those moments is horrible enough to make him hold on, despite the pain. 

Euron is floating not too far away, gaze fixed on Asha brandishing what looks to be Father’s trident, but Theon only has eyes for Jon, hanging limply in Euron’s grip. _He can’t be dead,_ is Theon’s only thought, horror and nausea and the constant spears of pain threatening to make him pass out. Why is Jon down here? He shouldn’t be, he should be on the ship, safe, not down here – not dead. He can’t be dead. 

“Theon!”

Theon twists his head, flinching when another stab of pain shoots down his spine, and then his eyes widen when he sees Robb swimming towards him, looking as if he’s doing this every day. He seems to be breathing normally, despite his body still being unmistakably human. 

“Robb, what–”

“Your sister, she did some sort of mumbo jumbo with the trident when we came down here.” Robb grins fleetingly before slinging an arm around Theon’s waist, pulling him into a more upright position. “You don’t look – are you alright?”

“Hurts,” Theon mutters, gratefully clinging to Robb’s shoulder. “Why the fuck are you here?”

“Are you kidding me? All the monsters in the world couldn’t have stopped Jon from going after you. And I couldn’t let him go alone, could I? Not that I’m much help,” Robb adds regretfully, throwing a worried glance in Asha’s direction. “She seems to have it under con– _fuck_!”

Theon’s head swivels around at Robb’s cry; just in time to see the trident fly out of Asha’s hands – and straight into Euron’s. His laughter echoes around them, his eyes glittering greedily. 

“Finally,” Euron roars. “I told you, dear niece, none of you are a suitable match for me, none of you!”

“Sheer luck, uncle,” Asha snarls, pushing herself off the ocean floor. “Give that back, it’s mine!”

“I think I’d like to have some fun first,” Euron retorts, tilting his head to look at Theon with a speculating gaze. “I still have this pretty little human here, our Theon’s _love,_ isn’t it?” Euron’s lips stretch into a wide, cruel smile. “Wouldn’t it be a shame if I lifted my dear niece’s spell and let him drown, right here, right before his brother’s eyes, his lover’s eyes?”

Jon twitches in Euron’s grip, a soft moan coming from him, and Theon swallows, relief and panic surging through him at once. Jon is alive! But not for long if Euron follows through… Theon can hardly think through the ache in his body, but this is important, this is the only way – Jon twitches again, his eyes open, searching Theon and finding him and for just a moment time stands still, nothing matters. 

_I love you,_ Jon mouths, a tiny smile hovering around his mouth. 

Theon inhales, gasping when this causes another surge of pain, almost bad enough to make his vision fail, when suddenly he catches a glimpse of something small and pink swimming towards Euron and Jon. 

“Did you want to say goodbye, nephew?” Euron asks, seeming unaware of Jon being conscious. “I would hate to not give you the opportunity – oh no, you don’t!” 

With that Euron suddenly swivels around, aiming the trident at Asha and she screams as a beam of light hits her in the chest, catapulting her away from Euron and against a rock with a sickening sound. Robb lets go of Theon, emitting a strangled cry as he swims towards her. 

“She’s as sick as you are,” Euron drawls with disgust. “Look at her human pet, unable to do anything for her, just as this one was unable to do anything for you.” Euron laughs, licking his lips as he flicks the tentacle holding onto Jon. “Weak and disposable, fit for naught but to serve our lust and our appetite… this one will learn his place, he’ll know what’s the only thing he’s good for before I’ll devour his torn corpse – aaaagh!”

The small pink something has flung itself directly into Euron’s face, neighing angrily as its curled little tail whacks Euron over the head again and again. Euron snarls, trying to catch Smiler, but the little seahorse is too quick, dancing around his head with a maddening pace.

“You – fucking – _ha_!” 

Euron’s hand closes around Smiler’s body; he grins viciously – and screams again when Wex comes shooting out of nowhere and snaps his pincer shut directly on Euron’s nose. 

Theon watches in disbelief as his pets fight the mightiest creature in the seven seas, watches as Euron’s hold on the trident loosens, watches as Jon suddenly twists in Euron’s grip, snatching the trident out of his hands, and with an almighty roar Jon slams the three points right into Euron’s chest. 

“NOOOO,” Euron garbles, eyes wide with pain and shock, and then his body convulses, his back bending so far it seems to break, and with a last, deafening scream Euron twitches, again again until he’s a coiling, foaming mess, a nauseating slick sound and it’s over, a heap of tangled limbs and black strands of hair floating to the ocean floor. 

It’s over. 

Theon takes a deep breath, flinging himself across the space between them despite the pain this causes, and wraps Jon in his arms, safe at last, safe from Euron. Jon lets go of the trident, his eyes and mouth smiling at Theon, he opens his mouth – the smile glides off Jon’s face as he chokes, his hands wandering to his throat, eyes widen in panic. 

“Get him up!” Asha yells from somewhere, and for a moment Theon is just glad she seems to be alright before it really registers. “Get him up, you fucking moron, before he drowns in your arms!” 

Theon reacts without thinking; he presses his lips to Jon’s mouth, breathing out and feeling Jon’s chest expand; he tightens his hold on Jon and swims as fast as he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter, guys! And a smutty, tentacly epilogue if I finally manage to get over myself lol
> 
> I'm wondering how many of you are still following this mess... please know that I love each and every one of you ❤️❤️❤️


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TOLD YOU!! I fucking told you I would finish this bloody fic before Christmas!!! Gods I'm so proud of myself I can't even tell you... 😂😂😂 Never has any work of mine caused me so much headache and trouble but I CONQUERED IT!!! Ha!! In your face, writer's block!!! 
> 
> I want to thank you all so much, for your continuous encouragement, for your comments and kudos, and for not giving up on me and this fic. I love you all and can't say how much I value your presence here on AO3 and in fandom. 
> 
> A special shoutout goes to @Joanna. Your comments are incredible, so kind and lovely and amazing. It's very largely thanks to you that this fic did get finished in the end, so a HUGE thank you to you! 
> 
> @half_life... what can I say. The fact that you came back again and again to leave a comment on every chapter, despite the painful slowness, despite life itself being as it is... it means so much. Here's hoping that things turn better, and that maybe someday I can write another story for you (the Pirates AU is still on the cards) ❤️
> 
> Alright, enough screaming and rambling, I hope you enjoy this last chapter. Watch out, sappy enough to slip into a diabetic coma 😊

When they break through the surface, Jon has gone limp in Theon’s arms. With the dregs of his strength Theon supports his head above the water, and then several pairs of hands are there, taking a hold of Jon and lifting him up. Theon’s vision keeps blacking out, but he can see glimpses of a boat floating right beside him in the water and Jon being dragged into it. Theon exhales, reaching up and grabbing the edge of the boat, barely able to hold on. 

Another splash next to him indicates someone else surfacing, and moments later Robb is clambering into the boat as well, helped by the rest of the men. Theon tries to pull himself up, but it’s too much, too hard. He’s not able to hold his head up at all anymore, but he doesn’t let go. He needs to hold on, needs to make sure that Jon is alright, that he isn’t lost…

“He’s breathing,” someone says above him. Robb’s voice, Theon thinks, relief running through his exhausted body like a wave. “Theon, do you hear me? Jon is breathing, he’s going to be alright.” 

_He’s going to be alright._ It’s the last thought Theon is conscious of. His hand loses its grip on the boat, his mind going dark as he feels himself sinking back into the depths of the ocean. _Jon is going to be alright._

~

“Theon. Godfuckingdammit, _Theon!_ ”

Theon frowns, about to give Ash an earful for waking him up in this rude manner. He’d been sleeping so well, like the dead, why the fuck would she come screaming at him like that? She can scream at her swordfish if she absolutely needs to, not him. Keeping his eyes screwed shut, Theon means to turn onto his other side, but there’s something small and pointy in the way, and then the small pointy thing actually has the audacity to pinch him!

“Theon, please wake up,” Wex’ voice says pleadingly. He doesn’t sound angry like Asha, only worried, and Theon carefully opens one eye to find Wex sitting at his side, eyes dancing joyfully when he sees Theon looking. “Thank fuck, you’re alive!” Wex jubilates, throwing himself at Theon and cuddling against his chest. 

“What – why wouldn’t I be?” Theon sits up, scooping Wex up in his hand. He turns his head, flinching when that causes a strange wave of pain to rush through his limbs and into his arms. “Asha? What in the seven seas – why are you all looking at me like that?”

Asha snorts. “You gotta be kidding me! You were out for three days, I thought I’d killed you with the last–” She breaks off, grabbing a sponge off the wall and blowing her nose into it. “If you’d died it would’ve been my fault! Well, not entirely mine,” she adds, sniffling haughtily. “Of course most of it would have been your own fucking fault, a little bit Euron’s, and the last bit of fault I’d place on that _bloody human–”_

It all comes rushing back like lightning, memories flooding Theon’s mind so violently, for a moment he thinks he’ll pass out. Everything is there, everything that happened. His father, the marriage offer, Euron, the potion… Jon. His human. His love. 

“What – where – is he – what–” Theon sinks back, out of breath. The sudden outburst has made him feel exhausted. “Asha, tell me what happened, I beg you!”

“What do you think happened?” She shrugs, making a face. “You almost killed yourself bringing your human back to the surface. He’s fine,” Asha adds when Theon looks at her pleadingly. “Completely and utterly healthy, Robb says.”

“Robb says?” Theon echoes, confused. “Are you – did you talk to him?” 

“I’ve been to see him this morning.” Asha scoffs. “Was hoping you’d wake up again and I fucking knew the first thing you’d ask for would be the fucking human. There you have it, he’s fine. And Euron is gone, so you needn’t worry about him anymore. Get this behind us.”

But… Theon shakes his head. His mind is reeling, making it hard to catch a clear thought. Jon is alive. Jon is fine, which is great. But what – get this behind them? What is she talking about?

“I’m going,” he says, trying to push himself off of his bed. It’s frustrating, how weak he still feels. “Ash, you have to help me. I need to see Jon.”

“You need nothing of the sort,” she snaps, suddenly angry again. “You almost _died_ because of him!”

“I love him,” Theon says, quiet but determined. “And if you don’t help me, I’ll find someone who will.”

“Good luck with that,” she snorts. “I’m the fucking Queen now and no one will go against my orders.” She sighs, her face softening. “I don’t want to lose you, Theon. You’re my little brother.” When Theon doesn’t answer, she shakes her head. “There’s no future for you anyway. What if he doesn’t want you, after everything? Maybe he’s done with the sea. Couldn’t even blame him.” 

“I need to see Jon again.” Theon smiles. “Even if he sends me away. I need to see him alive and well, with my own eyes. He’d do that much for me, I’m sure. And maybe–”

“Maybe he still loves you? It can never happen, Theon!” Asha is starting to sound desperate, her mouth a pained grimace. “He can’t live in the sea, you can’t live on land with him–”

“Whyever not?? I did it before! I liked it there, I liked being human, and…” Theon swallows. “I’d go wherever I have to go to be with Jon.”

“The last transformation almost killed you.” Asha sighs, holding up her hand when Theon wants to say something. “No, shut the fuck up. It almost killed you. Who knows what another would do to you? I asked the priests for their opinion… one more, Theon. One more transformation is possible. Difficult. Dangerous. But possible.” She bites down on her lip, looking aside. “You could never, ever come back. No power in the world could bring you back home.” 

“Ash.” Theon lays a hand on her arm, unsurprised when she jerks it out of his reach. “I made that decision a long time ago, didn’t I?”

“I suppose you did.” She’s still not looking at him. “So what are you going to do?”

“Go and see Jon. Find out if he still wants me.” Theon shrugs. “If he does… I’ll beg you to take the trident and turn me again. Crossing my fingers it won’t hurt like the last time, that wasn’t fun.”

“You bloody fucker,” she mutters, taking a deep breath. “Alright. The carriage is waiting.” Finally, Asha turns back to look at Theon, smiling a hard smile. “Knew you’d act like the pig-headed idiot you are. And I wouldn’t worry about your human not wanting you anymore. Robb said he’s doing nothing but mooning about on that beach all fucking day and night.”

Theon surges forward, wrapping her in in a tight hug, ignoring her cursing and thrashing. “You’re the best sister in the world,” he whispers. “You’ll come visit me, right? I’ll look for you in the waves.”

“Shut the fuck up and piss off already,” Ash growls, slipping out of Theon’s grasp. “Not that I’ll be wanting to see you so desperately, but I did promise Robb to show him all the fun things we can do with these,” she wiggles her tentacles, “and while I’m near the shore I might be popping in to say hello to you too. If you’re on the beach, coincidentally, of course.”

“Yeah, just please don’t tell me what you and Robb get up to.” Theon shudders, then grins. “Did you say there’s a carriage?”

~

The carriage, pulled by four grim-looking bull sharks, takes Theon to the very edge of the ocean, where the sandy ground suddenly drops into the deep. It’s not far from there to the rock sitting in the water, the one Theon had hidden behind after bringing Jon here for the first time. It’s a slow swim, Theon still feels exhausted, but finally he’s made it, leaning against the rock with a grateful sigh. The beach is empty, no sign of Jon yet, but it doesn’t matter. Theon feels very much prepared to wait for a fucking long time. 

There had been no long farewells, no tears – certainly not from Asha, at least. Saying goodbye to Smiler had been hard, but then Theon could never subject his nutty, brave little pet to a life in a small tank. Ash will look after him. Wex on the other hand… Theon smiles, looking down to where the little crab is happily paddling in circles around his arms. Stubborn little fellow, adamant he’s going to love living in a grand castle instead of the sea, as long as he’s with Theon. 

The sun has started to set when Wex suddenly stops splashing, excitedly pinching Theon’s fingers and pointing at the beach. 

“He’s here,” Wex hisses, “your human’s here!”

Theon swivels around, eyes scanning the beach until he sees him, and his heart swells in his chest. Jon looks lonely, sad, shoulders sagging, head bowed – and suddenly he looks up, his gaze wandering over the sea, so much desperation and longing on his face it makes Theon’s chest tighten painfully. As silent as he can he dives, swimming the few paces until the water gets too shallow and Theon rises from the waves. 

Jon sees him immediately, and for a moment he looks utterly stunned, his mouth falling open – and then he’s running, right into the waves, crushing into Theon with the force of a rampant orca. Theon yelps, his arms coming up around Jon as they both splash into the water. 

“Wha–”

Jon’s mouth swallows the rest of whatever Theon had been about to say; he kisses him as if this was their only chance. His legs wrap around Theon’s waist, he clings to him like a barnacle, not stopping the kiss until Theon has to before they both suffocate. 

“I’m here,” he says, struggling to stay upright. “I’m here, Jon. I’m never going to leave again. If you want me, I’ll come with you.”

“If,” Jon says, flabbergasted, “ _if?”_

He’s shivering; the water must feel colder to him than to Theon, so Theon carefully moves them towards the beach, gliding onto the damp sand. Jon still refuses to let go, and in the end Theon has no choice but pry his legs off of him with two tentacles, holding them in an iron grip. Jon shivers again, burying his face in Theon’s neck. 

“I thought I’d never see you again,” he mumbles. “I thought – I was so sure you’d have enough of risking your life over and over just to save me.” Jon looks up, eyes shimmering in the twilight. “Have you – are you really sure about this? What you are about to give up?” He reaches out, touching Theon’s face. “I couldn’t ask you to forsake your home for me.” 

“You’re not asking me. This is my decision.” Theon smiles, placing a tiny, gentle kiss on the tip of Jon’s nose. “But I need to ask _you_ something.”

“And what... “ Jon licks his lips, eyes wide and dark. “And what is that?”

“Will you have me? Knowing what I used to be?” Theon swallows, suddenly nervous. “Will you want me still when all of that is gone and nothing remains but an ordinary human?”

“There’s nothing ordinary about you.”

“In that case…” Theon laughs, claiming Jon’s lips in a deep, greedy kiss. “Marry me,” he whispers. “Once my sister has turned me, once I am human forever… marry me, Jon.”

Jon groans, pulling Theon close once again. This kiss is different, hot and demanding, endless and too short until Jon pulls back, smiling. 

“No,” he says. Theon’s heart stops beating, but Jon’s smile only widens. “Don’t get me wrong, I _am_ going to marry you. But we’re going to do it _before_ the transformation. It’s going to be difficult, your sister told Robb. Maybe even dangerous. It is your decision, and I can’t talk you out of it… can I?” Theon shakes his head and Jon swallows, kissing Theon once again, a brief, hard kiss. “Then I want to marry you before you’re doing it,” he mutters, leaning his forehead against Theon’s and closing his eyes. 

“Whatever you want.” Theon threads his fingers in Jon’s wet, salt-streaked hair. “But you know what that means… we’ll have to postpone the wedding night to an indeterminate date in the future, once I’ve recovered from whatever Ash and her trident will do to me.” 

“Uh?” Jon moves back, a deep frown on his face. “And why can’t we have the wedding night after the wedding?”

Baffled, Theon shakes his head, lifting a tentacle and wagging the tip in front of Jon’s face. “I think you forgot a little detail about your husband-to-be’s current form,” he says, confusion growing when Jon rolls his eyes. “What? Did I miss something?”

“Something very obvious,” Jon murmurs, and suddenly his eyes darken further, become pitch black. “I don’t know if you ever thought of it, but I did hear stories…”

Theon shakes his head, not understanding a word Jon is saying, but then Jon reaches down, his hand gliding from Theon’s chest and over his stomach, to the point where white skin fades to black. Theon gasps, wrapping one of his tentacles around Jon’s wrist. Jon shudders, but it isn’t from disgust or fear. He’s smiling, eyes half-lidded and glittering. 

“Oh,” Theon says dumbly, then, “ _oh!_ ”, when the sand dollar finally drops. 

Jon just laughs, a rough, throaty sound that has Theon’s stomach tighten with a sudden rush of heat. He surges forward, kissing Jon so hard he tastes copper on his tongue, devouring him, unable to stand any distance between them for even a second. 

“I love you,” Jon murmurs against Theon’s mouth when their need to breathe gets unbearable. “Let’s not wait too long until the wedding, aye?”

“Tomorrow,” Theon whispers. “Let’s get married tomorrow. Now stop talking.”

Jon laughs, and Theon kisses his laughing mouth, again and again until the sun has vanished behind the horizon and the sky is dark. 

Tomorrow and the rest of their lives are only a few hours away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might have heard (rumour has it) this isn't quite the end yet. I still have one more installment on my mind – the wedding night! Tentacly wedding night... and when I say tentacles I mean it. It's very much a dead dove do not eat thing, so I decided to post it separately from the main story, lest anyone not into explicit consentacles stumble over it. 
> 
> Finally I can only say, I hope you have a lovely Christmas, happy holidays, a good end of December – and I hope you liked it and tune in again next year when it's finally!!! Fake Marriage AU time!'Until then there's some more ficlets to be had ;)

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, I'd love to hear from you! Comments are like (a much healthier form of) crack :) 
> 
> If you have any ideas or prompts or just want to chat, my tumblr is [owlsinathens](%E2%80%9D)
> 
> (I FINALLY LEARNED TO LINK YAY!!!)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Kraken!Theon Fanart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25002163) by [Buena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buena/pseuds/Buena)




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